Friday, December 16, 2005

This is What I do For a living


Charley With iBook
Originally uploaded by atomicbartbeans.

Ever feel like your major comitment in life is with an inanament object? I spend all my time staring at a LCD screen waiting for the real world to write me back...

Cute

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Chestnuts Roasting over an Open Fire


take a wild guess
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

This is just a flash back on the days when our family lived in Bandon... We would look forward to the holidays and the days when the local cable access channels would have 24 hour video of open fires... So every family could have the illuminating illusion of warmth and security that comes with having your own fireplace....
We would sit in front of that tv with hot dogs and marshmallows for hours, just watching it burn, come to think of it, it is where half of our Christmas card pictures were taken.

Keys


Keys
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Kristy, take some and post them... wanna see your piano...

Blue


Blue
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Domestically Challenged


I can handle it
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Stand Back

Puppy in a Bucket


Puppy in a Bucket
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Not to be confused with Chicken in a Biscuit.

Ode to Kristy


Ode to Kristy
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Hey there... this little coaster really reminds me of Kristy for all the colors and styles going on absolutely crazy....

Shhhh he'll never know


Shhhh he'll never know
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Du du du du


Du du du du
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

I Can Explain


Now what
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Ok, Cheryl, who is domestically challenged, decided to prove the age old saying "no good deed ever goes unpunished". So all alone, and unemployed, Cheryl decides to clean the bathroom sink, inadvertently clogging up the utility sink in the process...

I love Mutants


I love Mutants
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Who doesn't....
The interesting ones, that would have been tossed aside as defective always seem to be the most interesting and fun. Besides, who wants to be normal anyway... No one wants a Vanilla Flavored life.

This would explain the shot below


Glass
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Mu wa ha ha


Mu wa ha ha
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Buy a Puppy


Buy a Puppy
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

They are going Fast!!!!

Hmmm


Come Here
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Any of you that know me will instantly see what is wrong with this picture... I am holding a puppy... Yeah, so what... Well if you really knew me, you would know that I steer far from any creature with more than two legs, and dispise things that are affectionate, and licky...
so this is a rare shot...
This may sound a little strange and or cold, but if the words Spree mean anything to you, you will undoubtedly understand the root of this tendancy.
But he is cute. And unlike everything else, doesnt make me sneeze.

It wasnt me


Ooops
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Ok, so Autumn and I are wandering the isles of Wally World, supporting corporate america and all... and realize we have made to many impulse buys to comfortably cart around at one time...
So we come across a stray cart, a rare find in the pandemonious holiday shopping bananza.... Score...
Only to go on our marry way to discover we had stolen someone else's cart while they dove down an isle to get the next item on thier list.... (which we jacked as well) oooops....

Little Champ


Little Champ
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

This is Kristi's (with an i not a y) little boy... He is huge. And this kid is only 1 and a half!! So we thought we should set him up with some gloves and put him in the ring. It was one of the cutest things I have seen in a long time...

Still Alive


KC in a Truck
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Ok guys, in lue of an ear as proof of life, I will post recent photos... You can see the ears, they're there... So send checks to....
Come on guys, these are some quality ears here... Not cheap, make me an offer...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Knit Happens

This is the coolest thing I have seen all day. There are rediculous sales, tips and patterns all over the place...
Not that anyone else is going to jump in the car and drive to Alexandria, Virginia, but in case you have the mad urge to stare at piles of string... feel free...

Sunday, November 20, 2005

A Simple Plan

So Cheryl and I, after watching one too many scary movies... Decide to hop in the squish-mobile and get some coffee... So running on "e" as usual, we mob down the street in everyone's favorite coffin on wheels to the distant Dutch Brothers on Franklin.
Finally arriving at our destination, we are greeted by our favorite barista worker, Jordan. I calmly kill the engine, explaining that poor squishy has a bad ticker and is prone to heart failure when idling. So there we are at 7:30pm, catching up with Jordan and calmly enjoying our new drinks. I notice the line is piling up in my mirrors and decide we should head on back to the ranch and let the man get back to work... I apologize to the car behind for the delay, say goodbye and start up the Tempo... Joking that it probably won't start and that we will be staying for a while...
Ha Ha, 5 minutes later and not a spark to be had I realize the joke is on me and that the car is totally dead. As usual.
So Jordan abandons his post and starts pushing the car through the lot to give us a jump. Great, so here we are in the freezing cold, the car wont start, we're out of gas, and guess what? The door decided to go off track and kept bouncing against the frame each time I attempted to slam it shut. So Jordan says the car would be safe overnight, if need be, as I glance in the back seat at all of my valuable crap and thinking of the newly disfunctional door, flapping in the night.
So to cover all my bases, I treck over to the gas station, explain my situation, and seeing as I am a stone's throw away from the station, the gas guy waves my gas can fee... Whooo who... We joke about how bad our cars are (his assembled in part with duct tape and super glue) we commiserated together on the good old days when cars had heaters and tires that wouldn't fall off and roll farther than the vehicle as a whole.
So good times...
So back I go with my gas in hand, mission under way... So I get there and not only will the door not shut, but the lever for the tank just went AWAL, so here I am tank of gas in hand, pleading with the car to cooperate... Plan B: I bust into the trunk (boldly going where many have gone before, seeing as there isn't much left of the trunk after some stranger had to kick in the back seat to get the keys out of the ignition) anyways... That worked better than expected...
So the car is busy chugging it's new gas, and Cheryl has her hands impatiently on the keys ready to try the jump, which would have probably blown up the car along with the rest of our crew... So here I am holding the gas can, screaming at Cheryl not to turn the ignition over...
three Jumps and still no car, but we don't give up easy, and as soon as I had called for a ride, it started right up... Of course...
So then we had a wonderful stranger disconnect the car... And Wall-la we were back on the road...
In hind sight, this may seem a little much for a cup of coffee, but that's the way it goes...
Still rolling...
Good times

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Ok Dad, I am still alive

Hey there, here is the semi annual update...
All is well, car is still running, still looking for tickets and having fun at work.
I just got done with a 3 hour meeting on Apple Remote Desktop, way fun stuff... I can control the universe at the click of a mouse... I am very excited. And in other business news, I am preparing to take hold of the reigns on Tesa, and Dibels. Both of which should be loads of fun and I have no idea how they work... So good times...
And out cart of laptops just showed up... 26 beautiful, shiny laptops with lots of fun stuff...
My little reading group is going well... I am getting familiar with Read Well... And all that stuff...
And back to the car...
It chugs transmission fluid like mom and a bottle of vodka. It likes to chase that with a quart of power steering fluid, and finish off the evening with a 2 quart motor oil night cap... This thing has serious issues... I gracefully squeegee my windshield daily as the defrost has just committed suicide, and like to monitor my speed with the aid of my trusty new flashlight mounted on the dash with duck tape... Way fun, what can I say, it's an adventure...
other than that, there is only about 2-3 inches of water squishing around my feet when I break...
And the stereo is going to be the next to go... Oh wait... Ha ha, what stereo? My ipod? Oh yeah, that is a great system, driving down the road, looking over my shoulders constantly, waiting to see the local law enforcement and ripping them out of my ears before they can see me...
Good times.
Anyways, other than that, I am trouble shooting printers and programs with the help of my favorite nerds...
Anyways, that's about all I am up to.
Cheryl has been visiting lately, and spends most of her time shooting objects out of her nose... We are having loads of fun. And she has been teaching me to play the piano lately... So we will be going to dance classes and wandering around...
That's all folks, thanks for tuning in, come back for the next late breaking news in the exciting life of Ms. Clare.
Love ya,
laters.
Hugg

Saturday, October 29, 2005

You may ask yourself...


Chair2
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

What the hell is she doing??
Well I am so glad you asked.
I am at Katie and Jim Voss' house at thier anual Halloween party, and one of the guest made a crazy chair out of hydrolics and God knows what else. All I know, is that it has rotating lights, a seatbelt, and a joystick that ends up between your knees. Not a toy for every ocasion but fun none the less...
And Jim decorated the washer in the background for the event... good times, why not?

Discuss...


sizumukokoro
Originally uploaded by Putyourflareon.

I have looked at this picture for some time... Nice colors, composition and such, but have often wondered what is really going on in this scene. Is the guy saving a damsel in distress who tripped over her high heels and fell into a pond, or is he trying to put his irritating girlfriend out of her misery?
Give me some possible scenarios for this one... I just don't know. But would be interested in some new interpretations.
thanks

Saturday, October 22, 2005

They finally showed up


New Puppies
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

So yes, if anyone is seriously interested in some cute, way expensive little puppies... they have arrived... and are way cute....

They never go away


Apples
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Everytime I go in the kitchen, more apples appear daily.. so again, if you want one, just say the word and a pie will appear on your door...
I picked them, they're awsome...

Lou's Birthday


Lou's Birthday
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Yup, this is Lou down in the basement on his latest birthday... It was great, we had sushi, I brought an apple pie, and we all had a wonderful time... So again if you want to be on the pie list, send me your name, address, and number and I will get right on that for you...

Pumpkins Pumpkins Pumpkins


Deetering Farms
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

This is Cassandra at the farm, where we retrieved 4 gigantic pumpkins for Autumn's house and ourselves...
I ran into Cheryl the next day and she was sad that I didnt get her one... But what the hell is this, a damn pumpkin delivery service?? You need to tell me if you want to be on the list... I am not psychic, work with me.

And The Envelope Please....


Cassandra
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Well Cass came down last weekend, with plans to see Floater, make mashies, pies, and fix her computer... Which she mentioned was having some problems...
Two days later, with massive attempts being made on the part of nerds from all over the state, we come to find she holds a new record for viruses...
With the grand total being 355 viruses and over 1,000 of the funest pieces of spyware that you will ever come across...
So well done, well done in deed...
So this is her, striping all the music she can off my little machine... which is having problems of it's own... I have got 5 gigs left on the hard drive, which is no simple feat these days, and then the keyboard has to go... cause... well it's going, who cares about the details...
I might just get a new one, we will see how it goes...

This is a new one for me...


Darwin Awards
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

I have seen people do just about anything to make the toaster work, but I had never seen anyone put their entire hand inside a plugged in toaster to see if they could make it work...
Eventually he did succeed in accomplishing his goal, and thank god he did, I ean what would he have done next? Thrown it in a bathtub to check the wiring?
At any rate he is still alive and quite proud of himself...

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Week in Review

I can't believe it took me this long to make a new post....
I guess I have been busy. I am down the street baking pies and knitting scarves... Sorry to be so bad about getting back to everyone... In the last week I baked like 4 pies, knitted two or three scarves, still working on the next one and managed to give myself a chemical burn on my nose... Well done I know, who knew that peppermint and peroxide would create such a toxic chemical reaction. I knew immediately what I had done... God that hurt. It was a slow motion act that I immediately regretted... But oh well... After the burning stopped and my poor nose got done peeling it was fine... But that was fun, let me tell you...
In other news the ladies next door just had puppies... They have about ten baby shitsu puppies that are a few hours old... Very cute... And other than that, we managed to flood the laundry room and recreate New Orleans in the back of the house... Well done in deed...
And dad has finished with his surgery, well on his way to recovery with a fine staff and beautiful ladies to give him sponge baths when ever he wants... I don't know if he will want to come home... Doctor death should be at the house by now and we will see how that turns out... But in all I have been a very negligent daughter, being consumed with work and all my recreational activities.... I should call more... I am not being good...
And in the working world, we have, (scratch that, no we involved) I have finished cloning the laptops and getting the lab up and running. We are at a standstill with the SRI software, since we don't have the power to run it and haven't got the capabilities to make a server out of my anemic machine... The staff and two of my laptops are still AWAL and I am hoping the duo have not left the state... Other than that I am doing well Tigerizing the building on computer at a time and troubleshooting the aftermath which usually messes up all the printing preferences and drivers. There are some new questions arising daily about the printers and the delta ports... And I have to start over from scratch on a few of them, but all in all everything is going well...
Anyways, I haven't got any pictures just yet, lots of pies, which I am sure everyone will be thrilled with and such. I opted out on the chemical burn pics... I will let everyone's creative imaginations recreate the worst case scenario... Lucky it didn't fall off... What the hell was I thinking? Oh well... Live and learn.
In other news, I just spotted Little Cassie driving a Lexus, so her mom must be in a good mood, or be completely out of her mind and my friend Serena and her new husband are going to be having a baby some time soon...
So lots of new people and puppies coming up and we will see what happens next....
Other thrilling news, I am completely exhausted and need to do laundry. Oh and Cheryl moved out too... She is living in a less than reputable house down the street. I am mildy concerned for her welfare, as she left a few important artifacts at my house and has made no attempt to reclaim them. But in hindsight considering all of the things that she undoubtedly claimed "accidentally" on the way out the door, it may make more sense for her to cut her loses and move on without them.
So many pies... So little time. I am turning into Martha Stuart... Some one should intervene or else back my attempts financially and see if we can make some money...
Laters... Love ya... I will call everyone when I finally go home.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Alright, Don't Worry... I have control...

I figured it all out yesterday... I will just use my inheritance to cover the difference.... Since mom was a diamond miner, this should be easy... Yup, just walk in with my half of the inheritance and watch them drool over the figures... Ha
But in lighter news, it is Friday, which means dance classes, and nerd lessons... I might get to see how to fix a Mac. Always good practice, seeing as my inebriated friends like to juggle, and the appliances will never be spared.
As I said before, I feel so bad for them.. So cold and helpless... Depending on you to keep them safe and charged... Like having a $2,000 Furby... Only I could put a Furby on the Freeway or through a blender and really not get attached....
It will be funny to see what I do now that I am in charge of 26 of these little things...
Hopefully I will not become the laptop avenger... It would take more than a half time position...
But so far so good, and don't worry about the money... It's not that bad, and I have a plan...
Already went to debtors Anonymous, hope there isn't a fee. Ha
Laters

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Oh My God, I am so Screwed

Well today was a delightful morning... I talked to my favorite bank... The Satanist at the bank of America.... Just when I thought I was doing ok... Bam
Ok, I knew I went a little over, it happens... But this is ridiculous. I called to check on the damage, and this is an all time low!!!
I owe those people (are you ready for it? Here it comes....) $729.75 in overdraft fees... Most of them where for frivolous things, like electric and food, things I shouldn't have bought.... But my god, I couldn't believe him... I had him repeat the number a few times just for effect. And then he tells me that the fees are all irreversible, and that I should set my account to "pay non" status for a while....
Ah the bank of America, how I love thee... I don't even know where to begin... I asked him what department would be coming by to break my legs, and if he could give me a time frame, so I could clean up before they came by... Oh well, technically I can have it paid in a month, but that is not how I wanted to start my new career, I could have started putting down for a new car... And come to think of it, with Murphy's law in full swing, that will be the next to go... I should start filing for unemployment while I can still get down to their office...
I know it's my fault, I just never expected it would be this bad... I had to laugh when I heard it... Why not, no big deal, they would have to get in line with the rest of the debt collectors and wait their turn...

So is anyone going to Canada some time soon? I can help drive, I don't eat much... Ha ha

Anyways, other than that all is well... Hopefully dad is recovering nicely and ready to call any minute...
Well, if you need me I will be picking up cans on the freeway... *smile*
No big deal.

Monday, September 26, 2005

I am going to trip

I was looking through my house for some new pants, and to my surprise, ran across a number of pairs with the tags still on... I thought to myself, now why wouldnt I have thrown these into circulation sooner? Only to relize that they are so long that the chances of me chipping a tooth and seriously injuring myself is more than probable... we will see what we will see.

Tomorrow's the Big Day

Um, right
Ok dad, no chickening out this time... Just think of the long term goal... walking, skipping, climbing trees... *smile*
This is an important step in keeping everything together and on course...
And besides, it's a glorious opportunity to see your favorite sister... and everyone's favorite Aunt....
How long is she staying again?? Are you gonna be ok with that?

Well at any rate, you are going to be treated by some of the brightest health care professionals on the equator, and get to take a break from me, my intrusive blog, Corky, and the rest of the world in general... Just think; no dishes, no towels on the floor, no one to cook for... Plenty of nurses to scream at, doctors to threaten, and your very own room...
Sounds good to me... and if you play your cards right, you may be working with a gorgeous physical therapist...
(hell, even my dental hygenist wore a bikini to work, the odds are in your favor)
So give it a shot... you can always sue them later, and besides, this kind of health care doesnt come by every day... I have to fight these people to get my teeth cleaned... your people gave you new eyes and are blowing more money on you than anyone I know... So why mess up that kind of legacy? Do the Bundy name proud and hit them up for another $40,000.
Well tell me how it all goes, and call me when you get out and come back around...

I was just thinking about the last time you went to the hospital... you were screaming at the nurses, throwing things, and pulling a sheet over your head every time the priest came by. You really can't buy that kind of entertainment... But this time will be different, since you will have your own room, there will be know one dying in the bed next to you or rambling on and on...
So you are moving up in the world... And I bet it was a good idea to hold off for the best doctor you could get... I know it wasnt easy and you have been waiting a long time for this. So be happy that you somehow conned them into flying you to a different island and will cover it all. Well done...
Love you.
KC

Hey there

I am so tired...
No I wont leave you at that... Just wouldn't be thrilling enough..
My day: tigerizing the world and we got our first shipments of laptops in. This was thrilling in itself, but sadly it looked like someone must have hired Jim Carrey as the delivery man, as our precious package looked like it had been drop kicked...

I know apple has a good warranty for the first year, but this is really unacceptable. You would think when delivering 7 to 10 thousand dollars worth of merchandise, someone would be careful enough not to drop it off the truck... If anything goes wrong with these things, I swear...

I am very protective of these little things, they are so helpless and dependent. This little reflection is another reason I don't ever need children. If I freak out over a pile of plastic to this degree, I couldn't even imagine what I would do if I was permanently in charge of another life and anyone wronged them in any perceivable way... I'm already taking care of everyone I know, it's my only comfort knowing they will go home at some point.
But enough about me...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

My 150th Post (Things to Remember)

Alright, these may all seem like common sense, but in my world hardly common knowledge....
1. Brake fluid is important (oops) and not having any is bad...
2. Check transmission fluid while car is running and in neutral... (that might have changed things) and it's pink
3. Don't drive with no lights... Cops tend to notice these kinds of things
4. Water/oil coming out the tail pipe is bad... Who knows why...
5. Tempo's were engineered by evil people who don't want to make it remotely possible to fix anything... So don't even try

Sunday, September 18, 2005

It Lives!!


Ok, minor redemption in the Gardner house... Cheryl successfully disassembled the VCR, and with the coaxing encouragement of a fork and chopstick... Weaned the VCR back into operation. This should put into perspective how dull our lives are. For this little event to be worthy of two posts demonstrates to me that I need to get out more... This suspicion is only supported by the overwhelmingly obvious point that people could care less and wont be commenting on this exciting, late breaking news flash. So feel free... Give me a call and an alternative to sitting at home staring off into space and eventually attempting meaningful conversations with inanimate objects... The toaster isn't speaking to me anymore, I think it is mad at me... Guess I will need a new best friend and will be taking new applications immediately.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Cheryl 2 points, VCR nothing

Yeah, another one bites the dust.
I come home from a hard day at work... and drive Cheryl to Wendy's... we are having a burger, and she casually mentions that the VCR died... Like it's no thing... she said it attacked one of her tapes, so she decided to take it apart with a screw driver... The side note on this is that she has had bad luck with this sort of thing before... Last time, we had a VCR hooked up in the room. It was a little temperamental and would flash in and out between cable and the movie that was playing... This was always fun because 9 out of 10 times, you would be watching a scary movie, and then out of the blue... Oprah. We would always scream, since real TV is much scarier than a movie... So in classic fashion we would always give the disfunctional appliance a little love pat, and some extra motivation in the form of a savage beating that would render most appliances inoperable... But this little VCR was a tough one and would usually bounce back to where it was with no other incidences...

So one day, I am sitting on the couch with Autumn, Cheryl having just gone into the room to watch a flick... and I hear this insane sound coming from the room. Cheryl went on for at least five minutes, beating the poor VCR to no end... It sounded like she was taking a machete to the poor thing... Cheryl emerges moments later to inform us that the VCR is no longer with us. And I can't say that it came to us at any shock at all... I mean for Christ's sake, it's a VCR, not the black box on an air craft... I mean no shit it is going to die if you beat the hell out of it... but maybe she didn't know.

So now the record is two for two... VCR's that she has killed and given the worn out explanation that they wronged her in some way and had it coming... I am running out of excuses to tell the employees at Walmart. The explanation that it was obviously a manufacturer's error is getting a little harder to pass off when I hand them a machine that looks like it got hit by a truck...
maybe they'll but it... I hope so... Since over 70% of our movies are on tape...
Lame

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Here are some new ones




Ok here is a shot of every movie we own, the last pie I made, and Cheryl getting ready for ballroom dancing... Like I said before, we just got her some new shoes, so we should be back in business real soon...
That's all folks...

Things to do...

This is more of a list for my own benefit, so I dont forget all the random things I need to do:
1. Fix priviledges on student computers
2. Update all laptops to OS 10.4 (first make new gloden drive for laptops)
3. Make teacher computer into server, call down town and secure IP address
4. Reinstall SRI on teacher computer, route ten imacs in lab to new server and see if it works
5. Update rest of macs to 10.4 and delete widgets
6. Download new version of Bombich carbon copy and reimage golden drive with new apps
7. Update Type to learn with all the new students in grades 2 through 5
8. Call downtown and make sure 4th grade is getting it's ethernet in the next room
9. Move printer over
10. Change all 5th grade computer's desktops and fix little preferences
11. Set preferences for internet explorer and mail
12. Finish adding display to all lab toolbars
13. Figure out telnet command keys for parent volunteers
14. Get foxfire for select few
15. Find out passwords for tessa
16. fix admin settings for 10.4
17. reimage #4 it hates me and the server is wacking out
18. take monitor in for repair
and that may be about it...
then sign up for Tessa training...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

What The Hell Was I Thinking?!




I thought I would let you in on the latest accomplishments of this domestically challenged princess... So after taking home 20 pounds of peaches from Deeterring farms and seeing as their time in this life is rather short I decided I would put them all to good use... First I made pies... Like 5 of them... 30 peaches to go... Then I gave them to the neighbors... 15 peaches to go... I am watching them fight time in my fridge and decide to do something about it... So I run out to Walmart and buy out their canning department. I stare at the directions thinking, hell, I have a masters degree, surely I can make jam. How hard could it be? So I blanch the peaches, peel them, dice them, and set them aside for when I get off work... Little did I know that Cheryl would want me to drive her to Oakridge in the middle of the night. But that didn't stop me. At 10:30 at night I was banging on doors, passing out blueberries, and borrowing pots for the occasion. Again, back to staring at the directions, with no idea what I am doing... It said to use a 7 quart pot, but seeing as I have no spatial reasoning skills, I used what I had... Only to turn the heat up, turn around, and come back to flames, smoke, and a flooding pot that was destroying my burners and stove top...
Did that stop me? Hell no...
My immediate reaction was to grab the camera and document the scene for my own record if not for the insurance company that would undoubtedly wonder what I did to burn the house down....
So I am dancing around the kitchen, with giant tongs to extract the jars from the boiling water, spilling boiling sugar all over the house, and on the side, landing some in the jars...
So an hour and a half later... I proudly stand next to my final product, which tastes great, wondering how the hell I made it through the whole thing and what I could have possibly been thinking pouring all that stuff in such a small pot and leaving it on high...
Lucky to be alive and very proud...
I made jam.... Wooo Whoooo....

Kristy and Bubbins


Kristy and Bubbins
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Last weekend we drove down to Oakridge and visited Kristi... This is her new baby boy, Auron. He turned one on April 26th...
Way cute... He spent the whole night bringing me my shoes and purse...then my keys... I get the feeling he was trying to tell me it was time for me to leave...
Either way he is very cute and Kristi is doing great.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Pimp My Ride

Yeah, when my sister came to visit me, I volunteered to pick her up from the airport... Only to be trapped in a funnel on the 205 freeway, as all the cars attempted to cram themselves through all the construction... 1 hour later and 1 mile closer to the gate... I was loosing it. But this is all besides the point, as usual...
I finally inch my way towards the terminal... screaming "Corky!" at the top of my lungs... Hoping that she will hear my voice and find the car crawling through traffic... (I knew the chances of me finding her within the small window of time it took to lap the airport was small and the chances of her wandering off were pretty high) but none the less... I acquired corky and all of her things... She seemed happy to see me and we went on our way...

I had been listening to my ipod shuffle during the trip and asked if she would like to join in... So here we are, driving down the freeway, each of us with a white ear bud in our ears, connected by a string to each other... With me screaming every few minutes, when she would unintentionally move her head and send my stereo flying out of my ear... Between that, the fact that the heater is on regardless of outside temperatures to save the car from over heating, and driving without a dash light (having to turn on the dome light frequently to gauge approximate speed), Corky said I was definitely a canidate for pimp my ride...

The thing is... I never found any of this odd... I never really do. I live under the strangest of circumstances, and assume the rest of the world is with me... I thought everyone kept 6 quarts of motor oil and power steering fluid in their trunk. If they don't they really should. I am a mechanic on wheels, with the subtlest of sounds triggering thoughts of the next thing I need to replace. I have definitely gotten used to the constant shaking... One day, the engine stopped thrashing and I thought something was wrong. It took me all day to realize the familiar thrashing had ended... And unlike normal people, who would think that was a good thing, I was instantly paranoid that the silence was a sign the car was going to die soon...

But on the up side, with my new job, I soon will be able to lay Squishy to rest and get something new... It's not that hard and I will get there soon...

Ok Dad, I went to the dance class

Yes, like I said I would (make a note, I actually did something I said I would) I packed up the troops and piled into the tepo... We arived at Gerlinger Hall at 7:20 for our 7:30 dance class... On the way in, to confsed seniors asked if we knew where the dance classes where... I thought it was a funny question, seeing as we were standing in heels an a dress, but sure maybe they thought we were trying out for a beauty pagent... come on. Anyways, we picked up on two new dances; the tango and a little bit of swing.. Cheryl learned that she was wearing the wrong shoes, so next time we will pick her up some new ones before hand.

Today will be a day of cleaning and organization... getting things back together and recovering from the swarm of guests that have finally left. Cheryl is still here but the rest have left. Autumn will be making a run down to Bandon this weekend to collect the rest of her possessions and start enhabiting her new home.

Other than that, I am finally up to benefit status at work... I am still a strange creature in that aspect with many people still wondering what I will be doing through out the year. I finally had time to spruce up my room with funny little computer things, and it is starting to look alright. I need to put some fabric down on the tagboards to complete the effect, but so far it looks a little less plain.

The computer work is going well, with many of the current teachers giving me tips and helping me master OS9, which I would avoid like the plague if givien the choice... But other than that things are going well and we will see how the week unfolds.
laters

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hey, Wanna hear something funny?


Lou
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Well... One day Lou and Cheryl were visiting me (they are currently as well, until tomorrow) and Autumn had left a picture of Lou on the entertainment center... It was a very well taken black and white photo... We would often joke that it was a clip from a Calvin Klein advertisement...
Well one day, with Lou sitting right in front of her, Cheryl starts asking who that hot guy is. We, of course explain that it is a model from a magazine, assuming that she was kidding... Only to watch her go on and on about how hot this guy is and not knowing he is standing right in front of her... We were laughing our asses off.

What did I do now?

I was trying to add a list on the sidebar and I think I messed everything up... tell me guys, when you scroll down, does the background disapear half way down the blog, or is my computer just cracking out...

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a Winner


Yes, we finally have a winner in the great toaster test!!! On the first try, with no professional coaching, Sabrina Smith successfully used the toaster!!! This is a precedent that is unheard of in the Gardner household. Many have tried...and all but one have failed. This is a monumental moment and finally someone has proved themselves worthy and to have a pure soul. Well done.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Alright, assemble the CSI team...


Where did it go?
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

I want this place dusted and printed with all the test results in before anyone leaves...
I knew it wasn't going to last.
I even baked the pie at midnight under the most secretive of circumstances... I could have been cooking in the dark for all they cared... ten seconds into the world and gone again... I can only hope for the breifest of moments the pie felt loved...

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Corky has Left the Building


Well Corky will be returning to her home in Mauii after a fun filled 6 hour flight, departing from PDX at 10:30 AM Pacific Standard Time. For all of you involved in retreving said Corky, this will be valuable information. So of course, like the careless children we are... we dont call to tell you we are coming in, we just post it on the internet for all to see, and hope that the people get all the right information on time. So my plan for tomorrow is...
Get up at the crack of dawn, about 6&1/2 hours from now...
Drive to Portland....Pick up Cassandra
Go to the Airport...Say goodbye to Corky
Get some sushi...
Return Cassandra to her urban environment...
Go Home and make more pies for the neighbors...
Guys, remind me that there is a bucket of peaches in the trunk and they need to come out.

Middle of Nowhere

Mystic River
This is the secluded destination my sister and I hiked to on Saturday. A friend of ours tells us that there is this great waterfall up Dead Indian Road in Ashland, (He forgot to mention it was 20 miles out of town, and then another five miles on foot through the cliffs of insanity). Having had said information, I would not have worn my teacher clothes and proceeded to fall ass first down the side of a mountain. Well at least we came prepared...with food and water... Which played as more of an obstacle when it came to scaling up and down the mountains with plastic bags in hand. This for the most part was a successful mission, until Corky, who was coming down the hill last, snagged her bag on a stick and sent a container of salsa pummeling down the mountain in my direction... Sadly the salsa is no longer with us... but the memory lives on. (I was actually way more sad about that loss than I should have been... Corky's friend bought some Hummus for the chips...and I am less than an avid hummus fan, I was more than happy to bring my own alternative.) The hummus also made a mad dash down the mountain, but s fortune would have it, it was the only to survive.
At any rate we had a lovely time taking turns as the main characters in Cliffhanger, and proudly staring down on the world below from our new found heights. The joy was soon turned back to fear, as I immediately thought of climbing blindly down the rock face in reverse... But I hate to be Debbie Downer, it was beautiful, and we survived.
So good times, rock on.

Life is Peachy

Blueberry Pie RecipesMillions of Peaches
Today... As the designated activities coordinator for the many I call visitors, I decided to take the crew on a wholesome outing to Deetering Farms. This place is a secluded farm on the outskirts of Historic Coburg. We packed into the car, with buckets in hand and made our way through the peach fields...taking special care to select only the most perfect fruit. Fifteen Dollars, and an hour later, we walked away with two buckets of fresh peaches, 10 eggplants, a purple pepper, a flat of blueberries, and one apple... Together we will be riding high for the week...
I just finished the blueberry pie (which was devoured upon sight) and the peach pie is in the oven...Though I fear it's fate will soon be the same as the one that came before.

R. U. S.'


Rodents of unusual size? Ha, I don't believe in them...
This is one of the main attractions of my complex; an endless stream of entertainment, provided by larger than life rats that roam our parking lot at will. These little creatures, which we lovingly refer to as "Beav-Rats", on account of the fact they look like a cross between beavers and rats...
Anyways, we love these little critters... They are so dumb. I love to bring over people who are new to the area... And tell them about the 5 lbs. rats in the parking lot. They never believe me, until they are running back towards the house screaming, "oh my god, it's a giant rat!!"
From there, my guests end up running across the lawn, with their high heels sinking into the grass, as they stalk their new prey with stealth skills that would rival the Crocodile Hunter. We have found that by beaming them in the face with a Mag Light, they will freeze just long enough for you to pelt them in the head with a large crown of broccoli. The beav-rat's immediate reaction is "what the heck was that" as they jump straight into the air, but moments later, they have forgotten the entire incident and are overwhelmed with joy at the discovery of the broccoli. It is a very entertaining and consuming hobby...Torturing the local rodents... It's a tough job, but someone has to do it, and it might as well be me.

By the way, this is one of the babies... not too bright, I actually got within a foot to take this shot... I could have poked it with a stick.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Thank God I got Paid Today


Pickles and Zuchini Sandwiches
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Have any of you ever had a Pickle and Zuchini sandwhich? Of course not... why the hell would you? Why would anyone of there own free will subject themselves to this kind of torture... I'll tell you why; there was a 99cent sale at albertson's and at the time, it was looking pretty good... And let me tell you, if you put enough sauce on it, it is almost edible... Hell, I have seen people in my house have three a day...
But thankfully, no more bizzare meals for me... I will be back to eating Honey Bunches of Oats for every meal of the day.

Well it seemed like a good Idea at the time...

Yes, this is the beginning of many exciting tales... Plans that sound good in theory, there upon reflection not panning out. Well I heard another great story from my sister the other day. She was telling me about how she and a few friends decided to head up to the river on the coast... Upon arrival they find some great places to swim and dive in off the cliffs... Then her friends decide to let her in on one of the many secrets of the Oregon Coast... There is an amazing tide pool in the water that is fed by a small tributary through a pass in the rocks... They had discovered that by using someone as a human cork, they could stop the water and build up enough pressure to swirl the lot of them in a big circle when the human dam finally got out of the way. This went on for some time, each taking turns creating the human whirl pool... When one of them decided to take it to the next level and stay in the passage as long as possible to create a better rush... So this kid is sitting in this sink hole with the water coming up to his eyelids, thinking this will be the best one ever, only to leap out from his perch to be swept by a tidal wave into all of his friends... The swirl picked up all of them, slammed them into each other and put them all under water for about ten seconds... Good times...

corky's weekend

Hello. I have spent the last week in Oregon, taking care of business and visiting family and friends.
Well that's nice... Anyways, I was trying to bribe my sister into logging on and telling some funny stories, but she has writer's block... So now it is left up to me to fill in the gaps and make most of it up.... Anyways, I go to pick up my sister from the bus station today... She is standing on the side of the street with a paper bag in her hand. I can only say that the suspense was killing me. For a split second I imagine that she had not forgotten about me entirely and brought me a small gift... Anything, a card, a hug... But no, not for me, nothing. She explains that her friend had given her some dried, garden variety herbs; namely rosemary, oregano, and thyme. Less than thrilling, but I was happy for her none the less.
She goes on to tell me how crazy the grey hound bus is... Like I need any explanation, I have been there myself.
She tells me that she really lucked out this time, getting on the short bus with the rest of the rejects only to be discovered with an empty seat by a crazy lady that was less than clean. As usual, Corky plays off into her own little world, protected by her ipod and talent for ignoring just about anything... The lady starts mumbling about how bad her teeth are, which are probably nothing compared to her aroma... Corky just nods and smiles and turns back to her music and the sanctuary of her dried herbs. I have to admit it must have been a sight to see her turn to the woman and then begin to take deep gasps into a paper bag, hell they probably thought she was hyperventalating, or attempting to lose the hick ups... this goes on for some time until the latest vagabond is all but avoidable, with blood spilling out of her mouth onto her hands... Corky is quietly suffering, thinking that someone must be taping this for Jack Ass and that this can't really be happening... It was like a scene out of Mulon Rouge, with the main character in the end discovering that she has tuberculosis and is on her way out the door... The way this lady was looking, the ebola virus was a more likely culprit... At any rate I do not recommend riding the grey hound for any reason or under any circumstances... In the end it is never worth it, and any money saved over driving will inevitably be lost to a therapist in years to come.

Flight of the Button Burger

GoingGoingGone

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

optimism


optimism
Originally uploaded by _rebekka.

Yes, today is a half full day. I had a great talk with my dad, and we figured out that everything is going to be ok. I am doing something I like. I have a home, a car, friends, and a never ending train of exciting people in my life. So I have most of my basics covered. The only thing I need to work on is getting out of the house and getting some activities going. Running, skipping, climbing trees sort of thing. I know Autumn is a big tree climber from way back, so come the 26th I should have that problem covered as well... The only other major issue I need to work on in life is following through with my promises to myself and everyone else. I make grand plans and often go no farther with them than my couch. Big day dreamer. But I have most of my adventures behind me and plan to make more soon... So I guess I will just start making some cash, buy a house and a car, and see where I can go...
But then again, at such a younge age, I dont want to be tied down by my career and let the things I own end up owning me. That is one of the many things I always admired about my dad; he was never afraid to throw everything out and start over. In a good way; he would always take the few thing he really cared for and know that he would always be able to get new things. I really think his ability to let the things that truely dont matter slide is one that will take me years. I sit in a house that can only be described as aclectic and overwhelming, and that is the way I want it. I realize that the attatchments I make these days are more along the lines of emotional bonds with my toaster than people. But a the same time I am accepting enough not to miss them when they are gone. So I will take it one day at a time and keep the world posted, not that anyone is reading this thing anymore....

smoke


smoke
Originally uploaded by Alan UK.

Life in Dept


P8240345
Originally uploaded by stubberific.

Don't call me... You wont get a dime...
You'll never take me alive coppers!!!