Saturday, March 28, 2009

Epic Banana Bread

KC's Bananna Bread

Oh yeah, still baking...
Thinking of who to give this next round out to...
Tell me if you want it...

9:00 at night and I am just done mixing the first round of ingredients...
Three bowls in action and a ransacked kitchen...
Only to realize I am two ingredients shy of my goal and left with no car keys...

No problem, there is a stack of bicycles in my kitchen... how convenient.

So I set out on my mission, only a few blocks from the store, when half way there I realize why I haven't ridden my bike in a while... the flat tires are not as helpful as I would have guessed...

So on a two block trek I am standing up with each rotation, fighting friction and my own weight to push myself along...
Pandora isn't helping, with it's latest burst of e-tard trans music blasting in my ears..
I didn't sign up for this...
Doesn't matter anyway, the wind was so strong my ear buds were doing all they could do not to fall out every ten feet.

Finally at the store, taking care to lock up my precious bike, and laughing at the thought of some one stealing my flat tired vehicle... the joke would have been on them and I would have appreciated the walk.... being less strenuous than my current option.

Albertson's came through in true style, having everything I could imagine for less than three dollars, including bread pans...
I would never have guessed I would be buying my latest baking gear in a grocery store, but we will see how it pans out...
(pun intended)

So baking away, we will see how it comes out...
But in the worst case scenario, I have a new recipe to put in my list of accomplishments and a new gift for my waiting trash can... which is where the last episode ended up...
Not on account of any wrong doing on my part, just a lack of people to share my creations with...

Flash Back Breakfast

Cuckoo


For the month of March General Mills is re-releasing their 1960 model cereal boxes.
They are only at Target from what I have heard and include Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs, Cheerios, and a few others.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Minestrone Soup: $30-40 version

Soup Medium Shot

Ingredients:
1 Stick Butter (like another one will matter at this point)
1 Onion
2 Carrots
2 Stalks Celery
2 Potatoes
1/2 lbs. Green Beans
6 Cups Water
1 16 oz. Can Tomatoes
1/2 Head Cabbage
1/2 10 oz. Bag Spinach
2 Zucchini
6 Beef Bouillon Cubes
16 oz. Can White Kidney Beans
16 oz. Can Red Kidney Beans
1/2 Cup grated parmesan cheese
3 Bay Leaves
2 Cloves Garlic
1 tsp. Basil
1 tsp. Italian Seasoning

Add butter to large pot, throw in the onions on medium heat... Brown lightly...
Start throwing things in at random... After chopping everything... That will take a minute or two.
Don't worry, the onions aren't burning, go ahead... chop the rest of it... what is the worst that could happen?

Ok, now you are off to a good start... the onions are cooking on medium heat... Things are going well...
Why not celebrate with a glass of wine...
Good job.
Ok, now add in the tomatoes (this will require a can opener)... Don't worry, the onions are fine... quit stirring them...
Tomatoes in... now 6 cups of water... and then the rest of the ingredients...
You forgot the cabbage, and the spinach...
Just throw it all in there...
Don't worry, it will be fine...
Now random handfuls of seasonings...

Good...
Stir once, set the timer for 45 minutes...
Sit down and finish your drink....

I Love Nature, But I hate Bugs

I think I just maced a crane.

WetlandsMosquitoesI hate bugs

Wild Life Safari

Nose Licking YackNot Covered by Most Insurance PlansDaisyThoughtful Monkey

Monday, March 23, 2009

Corky Chronicles: Free Coffee

So I have had a little story in the back of my mind for days...
And wanted to share it with you...
It is another example of how the Gardner Family can never pass up a good deal...

It's the first day of school at Southern Oregon University in Ashland; and to kick it off, Evos is giving away free coffee.

From far and wide, everyone is standing in line to get a fresh cup of Ashland's finest fair trade, organic blend.

Corky is excited about the first day of classes, nervous to have everything she will need, and stands in line with a young man she has had her eye on for a while...
She wants to impress her companion, but as usual, is franticly trying to get everything together...
She stands listening to her friend as he is telling a story and tries to act natural...
Mid-sentence, while trying to juggle a hair brush and cup of scalding hot coffee, Corky attempts to put on her backpack...

I don't have to tell you where this is going...
I think you worked it out for yourself... Three items in play and something is about to go horribly wrong.
Coffee $3.00
Hair Brush $2.00
Backpack $10.00

Pouring a cup of scalding hot coffee on you head on the first day of school in front of the guy you were trying to impress...
Priceless

After she pours her entire cup of coffee on top of her head, she tries to play it off, like she wasn't standing there, soaked from head to toe in coffee...
But there is only so much a person can ignore... and her new friend was having trouble gaging how to react...
In the end she couldn't keep a straight face and finally had to give in. So with coffee dripping off her glasses and down her shirt she gave a quick apology and the obvious excuse that she had just poured her coffee on her head and had to go.

A Day Without Interruption

I know this is supposed to be my Spring Break and all...
But more than anything I have found that the time I have free now has been spent on all the little things that fell to the wayside throughout a busy work week... And that left to my own accord, I am most inclined to just get things done...

My day:
Made breakfast... a stunning display of scrambled eggs, french bread, and veggies...

Delivering cookies... I spent the previous day baking over a hundred cookies and handing them out to various deserving recipients... I gave the first 60 to all of my neighbors... and a few people wandering in the parking lot.
The rest went to the tireless workers from down town... They don't get a break, so I thought it would be good to help them out.

Off to work: I left all the cd's that we made for Super Saturdays in my classroom along with a brochure that had all the course listings for renuing my teaching license... So I swung by and saw that all the office staff were still in session too...

Back to the house to get more cookies... And then back to school to give another batch away...

Kinko's: color copying 27 hand crafted illustrations onto Avery Label paper... (Make the Lie Come True)
I had done an ice breaker with the kids where I had them create "Bumper Stickers" about themselves...
They asked about them on a daily basis... So I put in my time and made it happen...

Jamba Juice: New favorite thing... Banana Berry...

Bed Bath and Beyond: to get my coveted cookie dispenser thing...
Lately while dabbing dough out onto my waiting parchment paper, I have found that doling out 1 table spoon globs is quite taxing and even managed to injur myself in the process...
So in a Gone with the Wind like manner, I promised myself I would never scoop out dough by hand again...
Instead I found a fun little contraption for $3.99 that would take all the work out of the process...

Borders: bought another two books from David Sedaris, learned that his sister also writes...
And confirmed that I am supremely bad at math...
I see on the counter and door that there is a sale for educators...
25% off
I do the math in my head and walk up to the counter...
$22 please...
Stunned I look at the woman, forgeting where I was and that I ever had a purse...
What was that? I asked...
Too funny... She should have known and not even needed to see any formal documentation as to my employment...
She looked a little worried...
But I made it out alive...

Oil Change: it only took 45 minutes and a hundred dollars... but I got everything that wasn't tied down and a few things that were replaced.... and finally have a little closure on why my wiper fluid never goes down....
A large man in a bow tie informed me that the line had been cut...
This spawned a whole line of crazy ex-boyfriend jokes...
They said that if he was trying to cut the brake line he must have been confused... I pointed out that intelligence was not a prerequisite, and that this factor might have contributed to the end of the relationship...
At any rate, with a little duct-tape I might be in business again soon...
I liked watching the guy under the car on the video camera... I caught him dancing and grabbing at the guy above him's feet a few times...
Money well spent...

Good Will: I was on a mission to find tins for sending off cookies...
But instead I walked away with two different video adapters, a new purple Pyrex gem, two bowls, five tins, and a cake baking set.

Filled up the tank: had a lovely conversation with the attendant who informed me that she doesn't drive... and instead has her friends deposit her at remote locations...
I know people who chose not to drive, but none that made it sound that shady in such a short amount of time.

Albertsons: just getting the essentials for the next batch...

Cooking: in 5 min. I will have another 60 to give away....

Next up: distributing cookies in the cover of night...
If you think you might be getting some, you are on my list.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Sitting in the Parking Lot

Another courtesy car sits in front of Grandma's house.
A clear message that her vision is failing more than usual.
Every few weeks some one will comment on a fresh strip of paint etched into her bumper, or on her newly replaced side pannel on her Silver Honda Civic.
We know that she is slightly embarrassed by these little mishaps as she will often park out of her usual spot or in reverse to conceal the latest damage....
At any rate, nothing goes un-noticed in a complex so small and established...
Privacy is definitely a luxury not afforded to people who live in such close proximity and who share thin windows with a parking lot adjacent to a group who has little to do with their spare time.
Each small fight, common cold, and laundry excursion are duly noted by the neighbors, and possibly jotted down in a small notebook for reference if ever something should go terribly wrong.
I can see the police officer now, questioning the neighbors...
"So you said you last saw her making spaghetti in her kitchen, at around 7:00 you say? and then she knitted a blue scarf in the living room till around 8:30... Very interesting... Thanks for your help."
At any rate, I hope grandma is doing ok and that she can keep it together for a little while longer.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Best Neighbors Ever

I end up doing quite a few posts on the people who live in our complex, and generally my observations are less than favorable... But today I really lucked out.
I was wandering back from a two hour workshop on digital communication tools, and feeling a bit on the grumpy side from the long day and not having had dinner yet...
Just as I get out of the car I am overwhelmed with the amazing fragrance of Carne Asada coming from the apartment next door.
It was just torturous to walk past, it really smelt so good.
Moments later, Roberto and his wife are flagging me down and inviting me into their home.
Wow... really... that was so good...
And just what I needed.
I hope I can return the favor and get some cookies going for them.
Good times.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Neat Trick: One Trick Pony

Getting WorriedGetting the NetGetting Old
So I come home, after a long day of work...
Wander through the house, doing small amounts of cleaning...
And just as I am finishing the latest round of un-ending dishes, I glance at the tank.
Scanning for nothing in particular I land on the sucker fish; hanging half way out of the entrance to the castle.
It looks like a neat trick, for the largest thing in the tank to be seemingly stuck in the castle.
Then I get a little closer... wow, and he's even upside-down in there too... what a jokester...
So I get out my camera and start snapping playful shots from different angles to share with the original owner of this entertaining little rascal.
Then I notice the other fish... they are nibbling on him and he is still not moving...
Then reality sinks in.
He isn't playing... what creature would lodge itself in an opening half its size, upside-down, not moving, not breathing... just for fun?
The kind that requires a large net and a burial at sea... that's what kind.
So suddenly I realize my once playful photos will now be the macabre final documentation of a life of neglect. I am already trying to conjure the words to tell my friend I killed the fish he raised from a little baby for five years.

Unbesnownst to Mr. Suckie Fish, the Black Castle of Death has a bit of a history, much like the Hotel California, inhabitants often never check out. I had to retrieve poor Blackie's disolved remains from that same room only a few months ago.

I start bargaining fast, thinking of ways to revive him, like people staring at a beached whale, not knowing what to do, but wanting to help.
I start showering him with food... Like that will make it all better...
Yes I forgot to feed you this morning, and the one before, and...
well I can't think of the last time I took the twenty seconds that are required to care for such simple dependents...

But in the end it turns out that Mr. Suckie Fish is the one who has me trained...
Awkwardly shoving himself into precarious situations and playing dead, just to guilt me into feeding him.
Immediately upon seeing food, he finished his acrobatic routine and returned to his post on the side of the tank.
Strategic Placement
Eleven at night and I am waving a knife around while artistically arranging berries in cream.
Moments pass as I stare down at my little creations, planing my next strategic move.
As I finally reach my goal I realize I am bouncing with each new addition...
I get way too excited about these things... and though I never really plan on eating them...
I do like putting them together.

Good times.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Dabbles in Baking: Banana Bread

Recently I have come into possession of a Sunbeam Express Bake Bread Machine...
A foreign concept to a do it your-self baker as myself.

I approach the contraption with apprehension and caution, as I am sure just like Hal, it is out to get me... Waiting for me to leave it unattended and come home to find my gold fish lying on the floor covered in flour.
(though that has already happened under different circumstances...
fish-stick is in a better place now, and I don't want to talk about it...)

So to start off the process I scour the Internet for a decent recipe to start with...
Something simple, basic, and sharable.

I decide Banana Bread is a fragrant pick and would have the added bonus of making my home smell like anything other than dust and burnt plastic. Not believing that you can simply dump your concoction directly into the thing and walk away, I go out and track down the manual... 80 pages of tedious, mind numbing fun, and no mention of banana bread... every other recipe under the sun, including French Onion Soup Bread.... but no Banana bread....

So out to the Internet again, thrown on the whims of bored individuals who came before me and discovered the formula to create my elusive bread.

Through my readings, well more uninterested skimmings, I gleaned one main rule to be observed, on penalty of severe burns and misfortune.... do not open the bread maker after starting the thing...
I repeat, to avoid threat of loss of life or limb, do not open the bread maker....

It obviously releases the evil spirits that exacted revenge on the crew of (insert forgotten movie title here).
At any rate... this bread maker seems like a handy new gizmo that will save me much time and energy...
It even has a timer on it...
Only 58 more minutes (minus 20 min for cooling) till I can throw it away and start over,
cause I forgot to add the butter,
and can't open the machine.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Kaity is Gone

After living in the same complex for over 6-7 years I have become accustomed to seeing the same faces in the parking lot on a daily basis. We have the cat lady, who makes no effort to mask her conversations with the local wild life and has even gone to the extent of leaving me notes around the complex in the first person from her cats...
There is the seldom seen Michelle who's name is still to be known. After living next to her for the first five years, I gave up on all contact out of embarrassment that I couldn't remember her for the life of me.
The motor cycle guy, who frequently shows up at my door with an orange extension cord. He is perpetually filling the deflating tires on his yellow Honda shadow and wandering around in shorts with a tennis racket.
The wanderers, with matching walkers and a small corgi dog; emerging from their dens twice per day wheels scraping on asphalt as they chatter their way down the bike path to Albertson's.
The book club beauty who always seems busy and seldom has an empty home.
The newly-weds who have taken residence in my former home. I pass by their window often thinking of all the memories from that piece of my life and end up staring. Each time we cross paths I am lost for words and end up mumbling some incoherent string of words that must lead them to believe I am a survivor of some traumatic brain injury. They are pleasant none the less and humor my weak attempts at being social.
Grandma, who has always been my favorite character... Pushing towards ninety like it is no thing; a retired teacher that has taken on the task of saving all of her most distant family members from fate and misfortune. She is still as sharp as a tack and waiting with a witty comment and Dutch Freeze in hand. She has been a very memorable lego-mate from day one, from making me soup when I was sick, to abducting my sister and forcing her into manual labor without batting an eyelash.
All of these characters have played a roll in shaping my life in these past few years. Though our interactions have been minimal, they have all left a lasting impression on me.
Living next to a complex geared toward seniors I have often seen tenants who have lived full and exciting lives wandering around wishing there was still something more. I did my best to keep them entertained, having parties in the backs of trucks in the parking lot, filling up my gas tank with a plastic cutting board at 4 in the morning, having ex cons tear my engine to pieces and pouring liquid copper all over the lot, large cookouts, dancing in ball gowns in the snow, hunting giant rats with sling shots at odd hours of the evening,discretely depositing unwanted house-guest at the mission, under the premis of gathering information for a 20-20 like expose and having a pogo stick competition on more than one occasion.
They have watched me through it all, just like a reality tv show.
One person in particular was a more vigilant watcher than all the rest, and her name was Kaity.
Kaity was a retired pilot. She was always watching... as a matter of fact, when I first moved into the complex, she was the first in line to greet me. Days later she approached me with a small complaint. She said, "I like to watch people through my window; (pointing to the top of the building across from mine) just to make sure everyone is doing alright... and I wanted to tell you, I can't see in your window."
I remember politely saying goodbye, walking calmly back into my new home, informing my latest couch surfer of the scenario and then madly hammering thick blankets over every window in the house till my home took on a very cave like persona.
Over time, Kaity was a constant... Her little tin walker giving away her approach each time she came near.
We all dodged her like the plague, knowing that if you gave her an in, she would talk you ear off.
One of my favorite instances of this was when I was standing in the parking lot, talking to my dad on the phone. I heard her coming and made a large effort to make it quite clear I was busy. I talked loudly into the phone, "What Dad? Gee, thanks for calling me long distance from Maui, I haven't heard from you in a while..." she wasn't taking the hint. Squeak, squeak... Squeak, squeak... She edged closer. So in my next attempt to dodge the local character I started walking away... it was a phone after all... I was in no way limited in my mobility, on the contrary, walking was my secret advantage over her. But as I slowly walked into the center of the parking lot, trying not to make eye contact she edged closer all the while.
Finally in a move that felt like a carefully crafted check mate, she pinned me against my car with her walker, me still on the phone all the while....
"Do I need a stamp for these?", she asked holding out a pile of addressed letters... "Yeah, I am pretty sure you do. What was that dad, I didn't hear you?" Kaity proceeds to tell me the life story of her relationship with the company she is sending checks to and how they had never needed stamps before... I quickly explained again that they were letters and indeed required postage to reach their intended destination.... No luck, she had me there another ten minutes before I finally gave up, got off the phone and gave her my full attention.
It got to the point that we would stand by the windows in our new home, with the door only slightly ajar, listening for the tell tale scratching that meant she was on the prowl.
I tried to warn my friends and roomies about her antics to disbelief, until Autumn, while emptying out an entire U-haul trailer, had the misfortune of making her acquaintance.
Holding a 50 lbs. box in both arms at ten at night, Kaity took the opportunity to chat. "So, you got some boxes there... looks like you are moving.... I had to move once... " Poor Autumn trying to be polite and just about shocked by the situation... Twenty minutes later, she just walked away and shut the door.

The point is, Kaity has always been a character and integral part of our small close knit community here... And months have passed, finally confirming, Kaity has moved on or away.

I can't say I will miss hiding from her in my living room, or fleeing a woman who has a top speed rivaling an infant, but it is still sad to see such an interesting person leave our little world.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Weekend with Cass

Cosmic Bowling with CassCass BowlingZumi Sushi Cass

Sunday Afternoon

Cass Breakfast LN
Waking at 6 in the morning and looking up towards my alarm with more contempt than usual...
Wandering downstairs to find my sleeping guest still sleeping and not wanting to disturb her...
I pace in the kitchen with my earbuds putting away dishes to kill time.
I reluctantly give up on productivity after being awake for three hours and return to bed, only to be greeted moments later, by Cassandra shoes on and purse in hand.

From there we went on to Lucky Noodle, a staple in my local diet. I was greeted by the same waiter I had the week before and was amused to find that he had another blue band-aid from his latest attempts at culinary greatness. I fear the next time I see him he will be sporting a hook, since his injuries seem to be increasing in severity as the month goes on.

During breakfast there were a number of passerbys that wandered into our view. They ranged in obscurity and randomness in a way that parralleled a bad skit from the leterman show. First there was the lawn squeegier, who took on the grand task of pushing a giant squeegie down the sidewalk to remove the accumulated rain. This seemed like a pointless job to compensate for poor drainage and bad planning. After a lackluster attempt to sweep the sidewalks he moved on to actually squeegying the grass, something I was not aware was even possible.
Next up was the random man wearing a full suspension harness that left one to wonder if he had: a) just finished scaling the butte b) He was a misplaced window washer c) He had just been para-gliding around town and landed nearby d) Ejected from a falling plane, parachuting to safety e) was an out of work window washer and demonstrating his dedication to his craft or f) was just making a bold fashion statement.