By the Way

No good deed ever goes unpunished... and I will always make the lie come true...
Here's the scenario...
Last week, one of my students asks me if I have ever read (Insert random book title here). She insists that it is one of the best books ever written, and after reading the first chapter, I will surely understand the latest craze and be hooked for life.
So of course, not wanting to let the little girl down, I accept her challenge and she leaves me her book for the day.

I sit down to lunch with the book in hand and attempt to keep my word by starting the first few pages.

I soon realize I have been given an epic tale, of Lord of the Rings proportions that is all about cats.
I make it through the first part, learning all about the secret ways of the warring cat people, their leaders and rituals...
At that point I was torn away, and vowed to finish it after school...

Of course I lost track of time and soon found the student standing in front of me the following day, inquiring how I had enjoyed my preview of one of her favorite things.
I mentioned that I was right in the middle of a chapter and that I needed another day to finish where I left of...
In reality, I had put the book down in my room and it had magically disappeared...
So she agreed to give me another day...

After spending two days tearing my room apart and seeing her hope dwindle as she asked when she would get to continue reading her new book... I realized that it had probably walked out the door with one of my other students. Not wanting to let her down, I only had a few hours to make the lie come true and produce a new copy. But the issue was that I didn't even know the name of the book... Only that there was a picture of a cat on the cover... Not much to go on.

This lead me to Borders in the middle of the night, searching the isles of the children's section for this illusive book that I had only seen for a matter of moments, once upon a time.

I then come to find that this cat book was actually part of a forty book series. Super... Why not make things more challenging by setting the room on fire... add a little more excitement to the search...

So here I am, looking through a bookshelf that had no less than 200 cat books on the shelves, searching every book in the series, scanning the first few pages for any reference to the "medicine cat" which was the only thing I could remember from the whole thing.
But at least I was not alone in my search...
I was soon spotted by the Borders Troll, who after hearing my story, decided to tell me one of her own... She went on to help me by telling me the titles of all of her favorite books and how excited she was about the upcoming Harry Potter films... I asked her if she had ever read (Random Cat Series). She said that she had never taken the time, but that her manager might have...
I had to pretend to be listening to her fascinating stories while scanning each page. (So I guess we did find a way to make my task more difficult...)
In the end, I stumbled upon the last copy through pure luck.
I get to the counter where the cashier inquires if I would like to donate a book to a child for $5, I smile and tell him I already am.
The next day, I peel the sticker off the back, hand it to my student as she walks in the door, and pretended I found it in my desk...

Hey Dad, Here is the House

So it is covered in leaves from all the oak trees, but under it, there is a yard. (Just use your imagination)





There are a ton more photos, but I will post more as the redo is complete...
Right now the paint inside is getting redone, new floors, lights, and everything else that used to be tied down.
Keep in mind it doesn't need anything, these are just cosmetic updates...
So we will see what we will see when the project is farther along.

920 soon to be 985

So this week has flown by in the usual fashion...
Running back and forth between buildings, trying to get everything up and running while keeping track of around 120 students and all of their assignments and work. Monitoring student projects and posting thoughtful comments to every photo that my students turn in across all of my classes, including photography, which entails at least 160-200 photos per day depending on the assignments that have been given and the progress the students make.
It is one of those things, the more work you give to the students, the busier they are, and in return, the more work you have created for yourself to respond to.
I have taken to creating elementary style progress monitoring to help the kids stay on track and be motivated as well as independent... This entails creating 6 pages of class rosters with a colored star for each step in each project that is achieved. This serves as a detailed instruction graphic that tells all the steps required in each activity... and ends with me starring at a screen with a clipboard for hours each week, checking off each comment and image that students have turned in.
Of course this takes forever, and I update it on a weekly basis...
It's my way of helping the kids keep track of all their work and showing them that I notice all the effort they put in each day in class...
Yesterday was the last day of the term, which means I have this weekend to post grades, get ready for conferences, and plan for the next term of new classes... I will be doing advanced levels of all of my courses in the coming term, which means new projects, new assessments, new examples, tutorials, screen casts, and accounts for all of my students.
We set up a great system that allows students to turn their work in directly to me and share their work with the class. The system works perfectly, and allows students to give constructive feedback on the work being turned in... But again, with the additional opportunities, comes more fun for me, as we have a system that has me approve each comment that students make... This is wonderful, as it ensures I can help students learn about appropriate and constructive feedback and help students that need assistance with these comments, but it also means that I need to approve each one, and with classes often posting 3-5 comments each (across 120 students) each day, I end up having to approve them at all hours of the day just to keep up.
I am still getting the hang of the system and soon will figure out a schedule that allows me to stay on top of all the work and not end up spending all of my time outside of work working...
But it seems that the demands of what I do are just part of the plan.
I really enjoy it for all the extra time it requires.
I just hope that I can continue to keep it all up and keep giving the crew a memorable experience.

In other news, I did something brilliant today.
I ended up driving on an expressway at around 55 mph with my emergency brake on...
Needless to say, I was surprised to find my back tires on the brink of bursting into flames when I got home.
The brake accidentally got set when we were moving cars around at the new house, and I was so tired and focused on getting home to go back to sleep that I didn't notice the little red light on the dash, right in front of me.
So I headed over to Les Schwab, ready to accept my fate and take the news like a champ.
This after having just getting my brakes redone only months earlier.
Turned out that they said everything was just fine, but I was halfway through looking up the bus schedule for the area just in case...

So the car is fine, next week is all half days and we are off to Thanksgiving Break, where I will be putting my things into boxes and mentally rearranging my kitchen.

Good times.

Captain's Log, Man Down

So today was just an average day... the kids were all doing the usual, working along, when out of nowhere, I tripped over a backpack and went flying across the room.
I don't think I have ever fell as hard as I did today... and seeing as I have fallen out of planes, that means a lot.
I was on the ground for a while, with little reaction from the kids, and finally picked myself back off the floor in time for another three hours of teaching.
I ended up limping around the building and sat down to my lunch break with ice packs on both of my knees.
I have been cursing the man who invented stairs and tried to relax at home taking extra care not to move too much.

Tomorrow I'll be off at a tech conference, which should thoroughly convince the class that I broke both my legs...
So I definitely made the most of my one day school week...
I hope that the next one is a little less painful...
I now understand why all the other classes are no bag zones, and it was also brought to my attention that that policy should go double for a tech room with lots of pocket sized equipment...

Good times.

In other news, I had a nice time spending my weekend in Bend, near Sun River, where I had the opportunity to spend time spelunking in caves and celebrating Juliet's derby birthday.
We ended up covering Owen's 5 bedroom mansion in Justin Beiber posters and accomplishing all house related tasks in skates...
It was a good time.
We even made sure to make use of the giant triangle out on the front porch by sending everyone out to the font yard to pretend they were working (which amounted to picking up pine cones) until Diana rang the bell, at which point we all started yelping and cheering like hillbillies and stormed into the house for breakfast, further cementing the deep hatred we were feeling from the neighbors...

917 Tragedy in the Tank

So people that know me know I don't have kids... I have eleven toasters, a roomba and a goldfish...
Well as of Tuesday it's down to just the vacuum and the toasters...
After a long day at work and a longer workshop down town that kept me till around seven at night I came home to my little home to find my one little friend was lying at the bottom of the tank next to my plecco.
I had a little mini melt down at this point.
I am sure it was a combination of things including the stress of getting the year going, taking on a lot of projects and who knows what else. But the point was that it all kind of came crashing down when the one thing I worked so hard to keep happy gave up and left me.
I felt abandoned, and it really hurt to see the one thing I cared about more than I should have decided to give up and leave me.
So I had a hard time with it... and looking at the empty tank made me break down each time.
So today I mentioned the latest casualty to a few people at work and finally got the reaction I had been waiting for... Apparently these guys actually knew what this little fish meant to me, and my friend Neshay jumped in the car and drug me back to the place where I got goldie to find a new start for me.
I got two little guys, one fancy tail that looks a lot like my old one, and a new little yellow one that is all of it's own.
Names never last, but from the bag they are Phoenix and Delilah.
The last pair was Lenny and George, but after George died in the castle, Lenny became goldie.
So we will see if having some fresh little ones to care for will help fill the void and get me to stop melting down over nothing.

Anyways, school is going pretty well, with the kids working on a variety of projects.
I have four clases rolling at the moment and just introduced a new way for the class to share their work.
They seem to have caught on to it pretty well and are helping me to learn new things about how it works.
This new system is a cool twist on a site that allows them to share their photos and videos and even comment on each-other's work.We are practicing giving each-other positive feedback and helping each-other try new things.
We will see how it goes, but so far, so good.

Latest Find

This was added to the financial report for my district.
I thought it was interesting that they deemed the beach a better location for my class than my room...
I love how the distant mountains are radiating with radio waves, and that I am staring off into space...

Every now and again, a photo crew will appear in the building and we never ask why...
Apparently this was the perfect photo to introduce the new chapter on our current finances and expenses.
Good times.

I have found that my image appears often related to education; on the news websites, video clips, and now random education related digital articles...

Guess I look the part.

Not So Subtle Hints

So the powers that be drug me out from my bed before I had hoped.
The splatter of rain on my windows informed me that my laundry, freshly dried in the sunshine was receiving an unexpected extra rinse cycle from mother nature...
I stumbled down the stairs and out the back door to find that my cobweb of string that had formed my clothesline was now a watery web that held my shirts and towels fast as they drowned i the change of season.
Dripping wet, along with all my clothes i drug all my belongings back in the house in a basket that was heavy enough to remind e of my brief days of carrying wet sheets from the Gorman Motel.
It always seems that shortcuts are the longest distance between any two points, and in the case of my clothesline the same is true...
My attempts not to be taken by the rising prices of on site laundry turned out to not be worth the trouble, and the dollar I saved in dryer time I am sure will come back ten fold in the cost of medication to combat the side effects of wrestling with laundry in the rain before one is meant to be awake.

Today was my first day back to the daily grind.
It was two hours shorter than the usual work day, but half an hour till it was due to end I was dragging my heels and barely able to keep my eyes open as I half heartedly skimmed the text of our new handbook for our grant.
It isn't easy getting out of routines only in time to have to dive back in.
I am still of the mind that I need to find employment with some travel channel and call in Vicarious.com, where bored millionaires send me their life savings and I tell them about how much fun I had letting it fall through my fingers.

At any rate, this marks the beginning to the new term with d-day being next Wednesday.

I am still getting all the materials for this term in order and will take my first dizzying step into my classroom tomorrow.
I plan on locking the doors and turning all the lights off to discurage any disruptions from my task.
I still have quite a lot to do.
Though laundry is no longer on that list.

Catching Rides with Strangers

Off to Les Schwab for the estimate I have been waiting for for a long time...
I walk in the door like a escaped con awaiting his sentence, knowing that after a few moments of inspection and a few questions that all will be revealed and the tire irons will come out to prevent my unlikely escape...
Well that was the scene I was expecting, and probably the one that deterred my visit in the first place...
I had been on borrowed time for longer than I can recall and it doesn't make sense to dodge them forever...
So I am working on being more responsible, with working being the ongoing endeavor.
Anyways, I got the wisdom teeth out last year, so the car was next on my list...
I came in and asked about an alignment, and they offered to do a quick once over to make sure nothing was about to fall off, and shortly returned with a three page estimate that I had known was long in coming.
I need:
New breaks (front and back), new rotors, and a few other things...
We are set to operate tomorrow, with a projected damage list of no more than $700
They will call when it is finished...

So this left me just a few blocks from home waiting to wander on my way in the wonderful 94 degree sun...
After the polite young man had absconded with my keys he mentioned that Les Schwab offers drop off for customers in transition from repair work.
He told me to take a seat and that Kirsten would be back shortly to help me on my way...

So I hunkered down with my popcorn, watching in terror at the little screen in the lobby as all the year's escaped murderers and celebrities scrolled across the screen...
But what was more interesting was the scenario that was developing up at the counter.
A seemingly well off older man with a gold watch and a cheap wife were arguing with the man behind the counter over what was often being referred to as a dissolving front axil. All I could do was listen and hang on the words I had been afraid would have been meant for me... Things like, legally I can't let you drive it off the lot, and your options are fix it or have it towed, and the trashy woman at the counter insisting it wasn't that bad and that she had been driving her kids to church in it like that for years...
The conversation went back and forth, with the hillbilly asking to use the phone to call all of his cronies and see if he could find a better deal elsewhere... In the end they looked like they were seconds away from a major altercation and the total being argued over sounded as though it was only 70 dollars... a far cry from what I was signing up for...
Kirsten ushered me out the back door and off into her truck before I had the chance to see how it all panned out, but it seemed like an above average day in customer service...

Sorry I don't have the grand list of items to be replaced, but it is a long one... I am sure they are all very important and needed items... I should have done it sooner, but I thought having bad rotors was the next best thing to getting those massaging chair inserts or the car...
One thing at a time...
Next I will probably be getting a new transmission, engine, and finally car...
One thing at a time.

Off to the Lemon

After spending way too much time in the airports, and having to switch planes due to technical difficulties, I have finally arrived back at home. Just in time to head back out the door to go work in a giant fiberglass lemon and start working before the school year starts.
I will be doing Saturday and Sunday at the Scandinavian Festival and then another few days at the County Fair.

It's been a long week, and I will be looking forward to doing some fun work with people before having to get back in gear for the school year.

So I am off to search for my wooden shoes and put my hair in braids before heading out to my favorite sleepy little town, filled with Scandinavians.

Cusco

Post 910: Cusco or Bust

So this morning Autumn and I packed the rest of our things and began our journey to the airport.
There was a little mix up with the printing of the tickets, which left us to stand in the line to have our boarding passes printed at Peruvian Air. I had to check my bag since I was a few stones over...
The guy at the security point asked me about the stick I use to hold up my hair, and after explaining that it was a bamboo knitting needle with the dullest point in existence, I watched as he shook his head, said, "No possible" and added it to the large bin on items deemed unfit to fly.
I thought it was funny that he would put on such a show about safety and security when I had four more in my cary on.
Oh well, I will get more...
Anyways, our flight was delayed for about 2 hours, which meant that when we finally arrived, we were to join the tour, already in progress with out the much needed time to decompress and adjust to the new altitude.
We started out in a church and went from there to just about every site there was in town in 20 minute increments.
No sooner had we arrived at our destination than we were talking about our departure.
We left different members of the tour numerous times.
I would announce the moment of silence for the lost companion and the bus would roar back to life and begin moving down the avenue only to be chased moments later by whatever unfortunate person and children in toe who had been left behind.

During the course of our travels today, I heard one visitor from California go on and on about the restaurants in Cusco and all the wonderful things to try. So as soon as we got off the death march bus, we headed over to a little restaurant near the center of town called Inca Grill. We had some really wonderful food and had a chance to hear how other visitors were enjoying the local favorite, "Cuy" which is the ferocious beast, a pig by the name of Guinea.

Dad, I am sure you will be disappointed to know that the only pan flute I saw today was the one being chewed on by a toddler. There are no bands lining the streets and selling CD's.

Day Two

Today Autumn and I had our tour of the city and had a chance to explore around town.
We saw lots of stuff...
We even got to go to the catacombs in a wonderful Catholic Church.
Ate lots of chicken and am way tired.
Tomorrow we head out to Cuscu.
It takes over half an hour to fill up the bath tub.

Should the man who cleans our room be rearranging my toiletries and putting the cap back on my toothbrush?
These guys go way past above and beyond. They even took all our things off the two beds before making them and then artfully rearranged the things again.

Day One: Photos from the Front Line

So today has been quite an adventure... We have gone about 4,000 miles today, not counting the drive to San Fran...

Autumn and I made it down to San Fran in style and spared no expense when it came to resting up in style...
Ok, we drove non stop all the way down and almost ended up sleeping in a strawberry patch.
Finally, around 2 am. I casually mentioned that I had the address to a nearby camp site in my phone and the reaction was pretty funny...
We showed up in a KOA outside of Sacramento and it was everything I could have hoped for and more...
I had never been to a KOA camp site... I was very impressed by the showers, pool, crafts, sports, and even free go-carts that were available for the kiddos passing through...
After getting just a few hours sleep we headed off into the city and began our adventure around Golden Gate Park...

I was very impressed with how easy it was to get through the airport in San Fran... When we reached the counter for Taca Air the man behind the counter printed our passes and asked how many pieces of luggage we would be checking... We said none and without even looking at our things we were sent out on our way... Prior to this we were shuffling and repacking over and over trying to meet the weight requirements for the carry on luggage. After getting in line with the rest of the passengers I saw that no one was anywhere neat matching the limits and the airline couldn't have been less concerned.

We had two flights throughout the day... 5 hours to El Salvador and then 3 more to Lima.
The flight was awesome... Free drinks, mimosas, headphones, movies, meals, snacks and friendly staff. All of our flight attendants were men who were sharply dressed complete with ties and waistcoats...

When we arrived in Lima, we were greeted by our tour and taken to Miraflores. I immediately crashed, took a dip in the jacuzzi, and started charging every device I own...

We had a Pisco Sour with dinner and had a great time trying to communicate with the kitchen staff... I pointed to a dish and asked what it was... moments later the kitchen (which is behind glass in view of the dining area) was filled with smoke and our chef was har at work... He just took the liberty of making the first thing I pointed at, which turned out to be great.

Tomorrow we tour the city and from there we are off to Manchu Pichu....

Good times.

Free at Last, Free at Last!

I apologize for the way things went down, but really, it is the way it had to be.
I don't have children, I have a collection of toasters, one robotic vacuum, and a goldfish.

For the last few years, I have been the source of refuge for the lost and the homeless... The fish that were left behind...
Taking on a huge plecco, a strange little tetra, and a pair of rainbow sharks...

It seemed strange to me, how concerned the owners were with the wellbeing of their former pets. It also seemed odd that their attachments would appear to run so deeply, and yet not somehow persuade them to take their little dependents with them.
The former owners would drop by, call, and do all sorts of things to reassure themselves that the little creatures were doing alright and having a happy life...
Leaving me with the added responsibility and guilt if I did less than a perfect job of changing the water and feeding them on a regular schedule...
At any rate, it is a well know fact that I can't keep houseplants alive, so it should come as less of a shock that I assumed all of my little refugees would not be long for this world.

I spent way to much time worrying over a pastime that boasted its ability to calm and relax, and spent large amounts of money all in the hope that my little guys wouldn't be miserable.
During all this time, all the upgrades and concern I noticed that there was a bit of a conflict forming in my tank..
The rainbow sharks were eating my goldfish, and the poor little guy couldn't do anything to get away...
I spent way too much time shouting at the little sharks, wishing they would leave my favorite fish alone...
I threatened to blend, hit, flush and burn the little critters each chance I saw them, and wished there was a simple way out...
I knew I would feel bad just killing them and with no one to turn to I scanned the Internet for a way out.
I read the posting guidelines for craig's list and saw that there was a clearly outlined no free pets parameter of the site...
So I posted that the two evil rainbow sharks would be available to the first person who could tell me a joke and show up with bucket in hand.
The lady who showed up turned out to be the joke, and happened to be an avid collector of lost fish and particularly loved rainbow sharks..
She said that she has a few that are about the same size and that they will probably begin schooling together within the week.
I knew I had the right lady when she started asking me about the PH level of my water and if they would be apposed to the possibility of soft water conditions.
She could tell by my blank expression that I had no clue about what she was referring and that she was lucky they were even alive to be taken...

I did a little research and the goldfish's fins should recover in the next few months...
Hope it all goes well...
Josh, I am sorry for abandoning my charge, but they are in a better place where they will be loved far better than I would...
The Plecco is doing fine... He is gigantic and scares everyone who sees him. You'd be proud.

Newton the Newt At Blue River Reservior

The Yarn Ball is Orange

What Next

So this whole month has been a bit of a fiasco at the Gardner House...
I have returned home many times this week to find the little world I have called my own turned upside down with little forewarning.
First they sawed down a tree in my back yard, then they took away my picnic table, then they took away the sidewalks, leaving me to jump over caution tape and walk through wet cement to get to the laundry room and check my mail, now we have all been told to vacate the parking lot so new asphalt can be lain down, in the mean time they have taken down many of the bows of the large trees that shade the back of my home, unleashing millions of displaced beetles to fill up my house, land in my coffee, and cover every available surface.
Now I walk out my door onto my gravel walkway to find the only dumpster in the lot is missing and half of the complex is hastily painted green...

I think someone is playing a joke on us, and feel like I might be the newest unwilling contestant on a lovely show called Boiling Point.

What is it going to take to get a discount in this place...

FLight of the Mosquito

I thought that this picture was particularly interesting. I liked the way that without knowing what was really going on, it was definitely open to interpretation.
It looks like a small child who has heard enough and might be receiving a talk on a variety of topics, be it his constant leaving of toys on the floor, to his father trying to get him to focus on what he wants to be when he grows up and being more goal oriented.
But in fact, this simple moment was of a father explaining all the wonders that were around in the view of the lake. He was telling his son about how all the mountains and the crater itself were formed by geological events and the volcanos that fill the surrounding area.
I liked seeing the animated way this parent took the time to demonstrate the creation of crater lake, complete with wide gestures and the sounds of explosions. So simple and effective, even a small child could understand.




This little critter was one of many tiny visitors that we encountered on our trip. I was happy to see a little beetle on the windsheild, as apposed to the millions of mosquitos that were actually in the car with us.







Yesterday a short drive turned into a three hour tour...
Back to Crater Lake, and the infamous swarms of "Glacial Mosquitos".
Having been away from the park for months, enough time had elapsed that I had forgotten about the epic swarms of bugs, in tidal wave numbers.
Upon paying the fee and passing the gate, the attendant in the booth called, "Enjoy your park!"
I didn't realize that she must have been joking or issuing a dare, cause it is all but impossible to enjoy anything when you are being eaten alive and running for your life with camera in hand...
At one point, we tried to stop in the section of the park that boasts a gorgeous display of wild flowers...
The last time we had been visiting the flower garden had been under repair and out of bounds for visitors. So seeing as it is summer, we thought we would take a moment to survey the scenes and see if we could check it out and make up for lost time.
No sooner had we left the car and begun ambling down the winding path across a little brook than we found ourselves once again under attack from above.
I took the opportunity to come prepared with park brochure in hand, fearlessly smacking my companion in the head repeatedly to save his life.
Truthfully, I think hitting my companion with a rolled up newspaper is definitely the highlight of my journeys to Crater Lake and probably the major element of motivation to take on such a long drive.
So to summarize, the glacial mosquitos are out of hand and I think a well timed fire might just be in order...
The park is definitely in on the whole thing and is probably breeding the evil creatures in a lab and unleashing them on a daily basis to justify their $14 bug repellant that I am sure is made on the spot...
By the time you get back into the car and realize that you aren't safe from the little stowaways that have highjacked their way into your car and are feasting on you and your friends as you frantically try to find the next gift shop to end your suffering, $14 dollars sounds like a steal and you can't get your credit card out fast enough to make it stop.

So again, I love nature, I hate bugs...
Unleash the Bats, and let the battle begin.

Funny Story

Well not really,
didn't mean to get your hopes up there...
I know lots of funny stories, none of which I can post here...
But another time, back to the point...

So I mentioned that my morning was something of a project...
It starts with me and my minor eye irritation, depriving me of sleep and unleashing me onto the Internet to search for the latest ailments and life threatening illnesses that match my symptoms...
This in turn, leaves me to dialing the wellness clinic's appointment line on speed dial repeatedly until someone finally decides to take my call...
Upon hearing my request for an appointment, the receptionist apologizes and says that since they are a little short handed today, the only person who is available to see me is Courtney, and asks if that is alright...
I immediately respond with, "Anyone but Courtney, I've heard about her... anyone but Courtney!"
I just thought it was funny that when calling a doctor's office, to have the receptionist try to talk you out of coming in and apologizing for the only working doctor on staff being less than desirable...
After walking in the door and being greeted by nurse Chuckles, and guided to room six, I instantly realized why they had tried to persuade me to take a different practitioner...
Yes, it turns out that Courtney was the very same doctor that had previously made such astute observations as: "It looks like you may have been wearing a V-kneck lined shirt" "That may be a blister, or a pimple, I can't tell" and "There is no end all be all medication for sun burns" and of course the infamous detailed description of how to make an ice cube that took 20 minutes... That by far was the most helpful...

So yes I was less than thrilled to see my favorite hospital helper back in front of me...

I was particularly nervous about the combination of maladies that Bullwinkle would be treating today... I knew that one thing needed soothing eye drops, and the other was to be burned off with Nitrogen and prayed to God that she didn't mix them up...
Either way, I was just hoping to get out a live as usual...

So we have a small discussion about the latest issue, being the debris in my left eye that drug me out of bed at such an early hour in the first place...
She mentioned that if I had the slightest concern that there might be something that could have scratched my cornea that we should be on the safe side and go through the procedure to check it out...
This of course I totally agreed with...
So she tells me the plan and seems a little excited to get it all underway...
She pulls out a vile and says that she needs to numb my eye before dying it with fluorescent orange dye and blinding me with a black light at close range... She warns me that the numbing drops will burn like hell and to brace for impact...
Then while I am blinking in pain, she sets to the task of attempting to turn on the black light that must not have been removed from it's special box since it was last needed in the sixties.
Ten minutes of probing and poking with q-tips and flashlights, and oozing orange dye our of my eye like a statue of the Virgin Mary, she tells me I am fine and says that she will be prescribing a treatment of antibacterial ointment to help prevent infection...
The funny part is that before I went over, I did some research on the treatment of scratched corneas...
Guess what it is...
That's right, that very same antibiotic ointment...
So basically she would have given that to me either way, and there was no real point in all the torture since the treatments would have all been the same...
Good times...
Next time they tell me the only one working at the snack bar is Courtney, I am taking a rain check.

Weekly Update

Good times had by all,
This week I had the opportunity to visit the Country Fair with Autumn and her family.
It was a perfect day, with plenty of sunshine and events to fill the afternoon.
Autumn and I got into the fair with work passes before all the crowds showed up. It is a totally different experience to be behind the scenes and see the whole event for what it is, without the huge groups of people.
The first event we hit up was a poetry slam group from Eugene. There were about 8 acts that went in turn sharing their work. The highlights included a man who did a Shakespearian rendition of a tale of love lost on account of Ninja Chipmunks and zombie crows, complete with theatrical death scene.
He was the best part for me...
And on a side note, there happened to be a pair of signers who joined the event to translate the poetry as the presenters went along.
I learned that one of the longest words to sign is Jellyfish...
I heard about how Jason Webley had messed with the poor signers during earlier fairs, by ending every statement with the word jellyfish... just to slow them down.

On another note about signers... God love them...
I had one unusual observation while watching the poetry slam events...
During one poet's contribution, one the female form, I noticed the signer doing overtly obscene gestures, licking her lips, and flicking her tongue in a seductive manner at the other signer...
I only looked at the signer in the first place to avoid looking directly at the speaker who was telling such a graphic story in the first place...
This lead me to wonder if there is a second component to signing that helps to portray the speaker's tone and intent...
I guess understanding how a story is meant to be interpreted is just as important as the content, I just found the additional flurishes were definitely off putting and a little on the strange side...
I wondered how the 10 year olds in the front row next to the signer felt about the whole scene...
That and it seemed as though the only people in the audience who could interpret the signals where the signers themselves... Who is to know what they were actually talking about...
Like Star Wars, translated into Japanese and then back into English again.

After the fair, our crew headed back out to the car, hoping to beat the rush of people making their exits in a similar fashion, only to realize that the battery was dead and wouldn't start.

The brilliant group of young adults that I was with put their heads together and quickly came up with many fantastic plans to remedy the situation... Ending with me finally flagging down a fair worker with a radio and getting a OCF van to show up and jump the car.

Initially, as I went out on my mission to flag down strangers and enlist the assistance of others I assumed that the rest of the kids in my party were doing the very same thing. I thought of the embarrassment I would experience upon eliciting assistance and finding that the car had already been revived and that my team had just been waiting for me so we could leave... This was not the case...
I walk over to the car to inform them that help is on the way, only to discover all of my comrades lying on the ground almost under the car in search of shade from the sun overhead. They had pretty much given up and just accepted their fates....

Glad to know that in the case of emergencies, my team is a solid crew that bands together when things get tough and really applies themselves when it counts...
Or at least they were smart enough to stay with the car and not wander off into traffic...
After seeing the display of heroism I am just surprised they didn't manage to get run over by a horse while wandering around aimlessly.

So disaster averted, and back on our way.

Hotdogs on a Monday Morning

When I was a kid, living in Bandon, there was one thing that I would look forward to each time we got in the car and started driving south of town. It was a little country store in the center of Langlois. The store was the only major sign of life in the heart of a tiny town and it boasted on item on it's menu that drew people from all around: the famous Langlois hotdog. Over a million had been sold over the years and it was a main attraction for many from up and down the coast.

Even in the years that I have lived in Eugene, I have made new friends based only on this simple treat.
I once visited a small bar on campus and soon found that when people inquired as to where I was from, their immediate response was, "Is that near Langlois?"

Being close to the 4th of July I have been stricken with the amazing urge to track down a hot dog of a similar caliber in my own town and wondered if such a place existed.

This quest lead me to a small hot dog shop on 17th and Pearl called Dog in a Box.
I did a little research before heading out on my mission, and found that this little shop has at least ten kinds of hotdogs and sausages hot and ready each day by 11 am.

When I walked through the door I was greeted by the owner who was standing at the ready, waiting for the latest passerby to stop in. The shop was covered in posters of famous jazz musicians and the familiar red and white walls with checkered black and white tiled floors like a soda shop out of the 50's.

It really seemed like something out of a movie about summer. They had it all, chips, sodas, sauerkraut, potato salad, chips, even ice cream.

I was sad to think that on account of the location, the shop might not get as much business as it should and wished that I had known about it when my dad had come out to visit earlier in the year.
Dad, I really think you would have liked this place, and the next time you need to renew your license, or just feel like a 12 hour plane ride, it will be well worth the trip.
Breakfast of champions and the cornerstone of any nutritious meal: hotdogs.

Captain's Log

I taste blood.

Have you ever been sitting next to a complete stranger, attempting to keep up with conversation, while simultaneously attempting to separate a sub-zero temperature popsicle from your face?
Well I have, and it was no small feat.
Apparently I was in the right place at the right time for snack distribution, and among various treats, including candy bars and cupcakes, they were also giving out strawberry popsicles as a pick up for the waiting guests.

I was thrilled when I started seeing the familiar wrappings of one of my favorite frozen treats, and waisted no time in acquiring one of my own.

Little did I know, that in order to keep these concoctions in their frozen state, that the powers that be had put them into some cryogenic chamber complete with what I can only guess must have been dry ice.

Soon after attempting to take the first frosty bite, I was instantly informed that I had made a terrible mistake and had cemented the treat to my face.

This was not however, apparent to the person I was previously talking to, who went on to ask me questions about my line of work and the tasks I was in charge of.

I made every attempt possible not to give away my embarrassing predicament, and in between drooling profusely, while trying to plan out an exit strategy, I did fairly well in responding nonchalantly.

Finally, after giving up on all attempts at avoiding injury, I gave in and just focused on freeing myself from the frozen demon. After all that I was in instant pain and immediately looked up to see that everyone who had made the same unfortunate mistake as me was in a similar situation.

The room filled with people glaring at their chosen treats and digging for pocket mirrors to help assess the damages.

I was lucky, I only lost a little skin and the better part of my taste buds, leaving me with the unsatisfying taste of blood and nothing to show for it.

I finally solved the puzzle by stealing a water cup and dunking the arctic treat into water before making any other ill planned attempts at consuming the thing.

The popsicle came in handy, soothing my latest injuries.

You learn something new every day, and I will be wiser if ever the situation presents itself again in the future.

On other notes, I had a nice time at the day's activities and made my way to the convention center with plenty of time to spare.

I did find that after a long day of meeting new people and mulling about that the tiny laptop I had brought soon hung like lead from my shoulder, causing continuous pain and dragging me down, leaving me to find any excuse to put it down like the nagging child it had become.

I am hesitant to bring it with me, and am even considering reviving the long dead art form of note taking with a pen and paper to help cover all the new information and contacts, though I know that would not be the best for helping me to remember all the fantastic tools I will be introduced to in the coming week.

The last event of the day was a keynote presentation by the leader of our convention, and a special guest who was formerly the head of the World Bank.

The arena filled to the brim with excited new faces all waiting to hear from our leaders. After the introductions had been made and the awards for various accomplishments relating to the technology field had been doled out, oru key speaker took the stage.

I was curious as to how his background would relate to the integration of technology and the different strands we were trying to help be incorporated into teaching, but I was excited to find out.

After the show began, I became increasingly confused as to how the topics under discussion were going to relate back to the topics at hand and as the performance went on, I finally realized that there wasn't going to be any.

The presentation was on a series of important topics relating to global issues that need to be addressed in the near future, and our need for a unifying team that will take on the task of enforcing our goals across the globe. The issues that were covered ranged from the depletion of forests and over fishing, to emission levels and our dependency on other consumable resources, such as oil, water, and food.

I admit that with such a large group of people in attendance, it was nice to know that the message was being heard loud and clear from participants around the country, but I wish the connection between helping students to become involved and concerned about the choices being made would have been stronger.

Knowing about the issues is one thing, but helping students to get involved is another, and I would have liked to have heard more about the different steps and programs that were being implemented with that goal in mind and the kinds of projects students were creating.

There will be an exhibition of student work that we will be able to see throughout the conference, and hopefully that will fill in the rest of the gaps for me.

So the lesson of the day kids is... don't eat a popsicle strait out of the cart without a glass of warm water and a pair of tongs.

The Road To...

Oh My Goodness, did I have the day from hell…
After getting all my ducks in a row and making my way to the airport, getting through the open threats on the number of bags you can carry, and listening to the crazy woman complain about her lost toiletries, I finally made it through all the thunder storms, the insanely large airport, to the bench under the budget sign. After watching numerous shuttles pass by every minute from the competitors, I finally made it to the rental agency, to be greeted by an hour long line and a bag of chili Fretos, which would be my only meal for the day.

After making it through the gauntlet of people waiting for the four assistants behind the desk I encountered some new issues and events.

To make my trip more valuable and not to miss out on the major events that were to take place on Sunday, we amended my reservation to include Saturday. We just added an extra day to the bill and I was told that since it was reserved through Expedia, that I would need to put the small fee on my own card and be reimbursed when I return home. Sounds simple enough… Not if you are talking to the guy I got.

He takes my credit card and lisence and looks at the screen. He informs me that since the two reservations are being paid separately, I will need to return the next day to re-check out my car. I explained that we had arranged the purchase ahead of time and had been told I would be signing two separate rental agreements at the same time and that I would just return the car on Wednesday on my way out of town.

A simple arrangement turned into a straight out screaming match, with me trying to keep my cool at each turn in the conversation. After giving in to the ridiculous terms of having the car for a matter of hours and needing to return again, only to stand in line just to get the same keys handed back to me, the evil man inquired if I would like to get the additional insurance. I asked if the additional insurance had been purchased for the other dates that had been arranged and he said that they had not, so I said I didn't want it.

From there he went on and on, insisting that I needed the insurance. I explained that I was perfectly covered by my school's insurance from being on a business trip and my own. He insisted again… So basically I said "no" quite clearly around 5 times, and each time he shook his head and said that I really needed it.

Finally I gave up and asked how much it was… In an inaudible tone he mumbled a number that could have been anything, so I asked again… He printed out my bill and I looked at the charges, and said, oh sixteen dollars, that isn't too bad. He immediately corrected me, fifty three dollars…
So I finally made it out accomplishing nothing and in a complete haze as to my whereabouts in this state that I have never seen before.
I watched as the helpful woman at the next kiosk cheerfully handed her patrons maps and helped them with their journeys. I asked my guy for a map and he wandered around as if the request was out of the ordinary and through off his concentration.

I know the line is long and that people are waiting, but it doesn't do me any good to be in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere with no clue where the freeway is.

So I head out to the car and give the latest report to Mandi, the one who made the reservations… She calms me down and explains that I need to call the 1-800 number and get the ball rolling, lucky for them it was past their usual hours of operation and there was no one to hear my story.

So I head back in and Bullwinkle seems surprised to see me back in line. Mandi told me that there should be two forms and that it was all set up so I made my way, since I had nothing better to do.
As I reached the front of the line I hoped that I wouldn't be paired with Grumpy Bear a second time.
Thankfully I was matched up with the smiling map girl from earlier. I mentioned my problem and she said that it would be no problem to fix. Of course she was a trainee and needed to ask for help in setting the final changes… That is when Grumpy Bear came back on the scene, yelling at me and telling me that I needed to come back and that there was no way around it. I explained again that I was going to be at the convention center all day and that there was not a convenient time to drive an hour out of my way after a long day of classes and networking…
From there I saw Grumpy storm off to his manager and yell quite clearly (for the first time in our dealings, as all other attempts at speech had resulted in garbled consonants that couldn't even clarify billing questions) that he didn't know of any conferences that went past nine o'clock at night…
I was really upset after that one, implying that day or night I should find the time to drive back to the boondocks to put an X on a line and drive away again.
And for the record, though he may find it unfathomable that a conference will go late into the evening, I do not and have even gone as far as to sign up for classes that go till that time. While there I made a complaint that the man had also badgered me into the insurance that costs double what the car rental was for and brought my bill into the triple digits on a school trip. I asked for the guy's name and the frightened trainee did her best to recall, but you could tell that she wasn't about to ask him.

Good plan, offer the insurance, and then get the driver so upset that they storm off to the parking lot and out into the darkness, not even knowing where the lights are.

I had a thrilling time with it all…
Thankfully after barely making it the 45 minutes on the freeway to my hotel, the wonderful woman behind the counter explained that there is actually a light rail train outside my door that goes straight to the conference center, avoiding the freeway, (which she mentioned she wouldn't go onto if her life depended on it) and avoiding the issue of parking fees. She even said that there is a shuttle from here that goes straight to the airport for a whopping six dollars as well…
So now my final mission is going to be getting to the rental agency, getting rid of the car, finding a bus, and making my way back to the hotel. I am guessing that the switch may be a lot of work for me, but perhaps the best plan.