Friday, September 30, 2005

Alright, Don't Worry... I have control...

I figured it all out yesterday... I will just use my inheritance to cover the difference.... Since mom was a diamond miner, this should be easy... Yup, just walk in with my half of the inheritance and watch them drool over the figures... Ha
But in lighter news, it is Friday, which means dance classes, and nerd lessons... I might get to see how to fix a Mac. Always good practice, seeing as my inebriated friends like to juggle, and the appliances will never be spared.
As I said before, I feel so bad for them.. So cold and helpless... Depending on you to keep them safe and charged... Like having a $2,000 Furby... Only I could put a Furby on the Freeway or through a blender and really not get attached....
It will be funny to see what I do now that I am in charge of 26 of these little things...
Hopefully I will not become the laptop avenger... It would take more than a half time position...
But so far so good, and don't worry about the money... It's not that bad, and I have a plan...
Already went to debtors Anonymous, hope there isn't a fee. Ha
Laters

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Oh My God, I am so Screwed

Well today was a delightful morning... I talked to my favorite bank... The Satanist at the bank of America.... Just when I thought I was doing ok... Bam
Ok, I knew I went a little over, it happens... But this is ridiculous. I called to check on the damage, and this is an all time low!!!
I owe those people (are you ready for it? Here it comes....) $729.75 in overdraft fees... Most of them where for frivolous things, like electric and food, things I shouldn't have bought.... But my god, I couldn't believe him... I had him repeat the number a few times just for effect. And then he tells me that the fees are all irreversible, and that I should set my account to "pay non" status for a while....
Ah the bank of America, how I love thee... I don't even know where to begin... I asked him what department would be coming by to break my legs, and if he could give me a time frame, so I could clean up before they came by... Oh well, technically I can have it paid in a month, but that is not how I wanted to start my new career, I could have started putting down for a new car... And come to think of it, with Murphy's law in full swing, that will be the next to go... I should start filing for unemployment while I can still get down to their office...
I know it's my fault, I just never expected it would be this bad... I had to laugh when I heard it... Why not, no big deal, they would have to get in line with the rest of the debt collectors and wait their turn...

So is anyone going to Canada some time soon? I can help drive, I don't eat much... Ha ha

Anyways, other than that all is well... Hopefully dad is recovering nicely and ready to call any minute...
Well, if you need me I will be picking up cans on the freeway... *smile*
No big deal.

Monday, September 26, 2005

I am going to trip

I was looking through my house for some new pants, and to my surprise, ran across a number of pairs with the tags still on... I thought to myself, now why wouldnt I have thrown these into circulation sooner? Only to relize that they are so long that the chances of me chipping a tooth and seriously injuring myself is more than probable... we will see what we will see.

Tomorrow's the Big Day

Um, right
Ok dad, no chickening out this time... Just think of the long term goal... walking, skipping, climbing trees... *smile*
This is an important step in keeping everything together and on course...
And besides, it's a glorious opportunity to see your favorite sister... and everyone's favorite Aunt....
How long is she staying again?? Are you gonna be ok with that?

Well at any rate, you are going to be treated by some of the brightest health care professionals on the equator, and get to take a break from me, my intrusive blog, Corky, and the rest of the world in general... Just think; no dishes, no towels on the floor, no one to cook for... Plenty of nurses to scream at, doctors to threaten, and your very own room...
Sounds good to me... and if you play your cards right, you may be working with a gorgeous physical therapist...
(hell, even my dental hygenist wore a bikini to work, the odds are in your favor)
So give it a shot... you can always sue them later, and besides, this kind of health care doesnt come by every day... I have to fight these people to get my teeth cleaned... your people gave you new eyes and are blowing more money on you than anyone I know... So why mess up that kind of legacy? Do the Bundy name proud and hit them up for another $40,000.
Well tell me how it all goes, and call me when you get out and come back around...

I was just thinking about the last time you went to the hospital... you were screaming at the nurses, throwing things, and pulling a sheet over your head every time the priest came by. You really can't buy that kind of entertainment... But this time will be different, since you will have your own room, there will be know one dying in the bed next to you or rambling on and on...
So you are moving up in the world... And I bet it was a good idea to hold off for the best doctor you could get... I know it wasnt easy and you have been waiting a long time for this. So be happy that you somehow conned them into flying you to a different island and will cover it all. Well done...
Love you.
KC

Hey there

I am so tired...
No I wont leave you at that... Just wouldn't be thrilling enough..
My day: tigerizing the world and we got our first shipments of laptops in. This was thrilling in itself, but sadly it looked like someone must have hired Jim Carrey as the delivery man, as our precious package looked like it had been drop kicked...

I know apple has a good warranty for the first year, but this is really unacceptable. You would think when delivering 7 to 10 thousand dollars worth of merchandise, someone would be careful enough not to drop it off the truck... If anything goes wrong with these things, I swear...

I am very protective of these little things, they are so helpless and dependent. This little reflection is another reason I don't ever need children. If I freak out over a pile of plastic to this degree, I couldn't even imagine what I would do if I was permanently in charge of another life and anyone wronged them in any perceivable way... I'm already taking care of everyone I know, it's my only comfort knowing they will go home at some point.
But enough about me...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

My 150th Post (Things to Remember)

Alright, these may all seem like common sense, but in my world hardly common knowledge....
1. Brake fluid is important (oops) and not having any is bad...
2. Check transmission fluid while car is running and in neutral... (that might have changed things) and it's pink
3. Don't drive with no lights... Cops tend to notice these kinds of things
4. Water/oil coming out the tail pipe is bad... Who knows why...
5. Tempo's were engineered by evil people who don't want to make it remotely possible to fix anything... So don't even try

Sunday, September 18, 2005

It Lives!!


Ok, minor redemption in the Gardner house... Cheryl successfully disassembled the VCR, and with the coaxing encouragement of a fork and chopstick... Weaned the VCR back into operation. This should put into perspective how dull our lives are. For this little event to be worthy of two posts demonstrates to me that I need to get out more... This suspicion is only supported by the overwhelmingly obvious point that people could care less and wont be commenting on this exciting, late breaking news flash. So feel free... Give me a call and an alternative to sitting at home staring off into space and eventually attempting meaningful conversations with inanimate objects... The toaster isn't speaking to me anymore, I think it is mad at me... Guess I will need a new best friend and will be taking new applications immediately.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Cheryl 2 points, VCR nothing

Yeah, another one bites the dust.
I come home from a hard day at work... and drive Cheryl to Wendy's... we are having a burger, and she casually mentions that the VCR died... Like it's no thing... she said it attacked one of her tapes, so she decided to take it apart with a screw driver... The side note on this is that she has had bad luck with this sort of thing before... Last time, we had a VCR hooked up in the room. It was a little temperamental and would flash in and out between cable and the movie that was playing... This was always fun because 9 out of 10 times, you would be watching a scary movie, and then out of the blue... Oprah. We would always scream, since real TV is much scarier than a movie... So in classic fashion we would always give the disfunctional appliance a little love pat, and some extra motivation in the form of a savage beating that would render most appliances inoperable... But this little VCR was a tough one and would usually bounce back to where it was with no other incidences...

So one day, I am sitting on the couch with Autumn, Cheryl having just gone into the room to watch a flick... and I hear this insane sound coming from the room. Cheryl went on for at least five minutes, beating the poor VCR to no end... It sounded like she was taking a machete to the poor thing... Cheryl emerges moments later to inform us that the VCR is no longer with us. And I can't say that it came to us at any shock at all... I mean for Christ's sake, it's a VCR, not the black box on an air craft... I mean no shit it is going to die if you beat the hell out of it... but maybe she didn't know.

So now the record is two for two... VCR's that she has killed and given the worn out explanation that they wronged her in some way and had it coming... I am running out of excuses to tell the employees at Walmart. The explanation that it was obviously a manufacturer's error is getting a little harder to pass off when I hand them a machine that looks like it got hit by a truck...
maybe they'll but it... I hope so... Since over 70% of our movies are on tape...
Lame

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Here are some new ones




Ok here is a shot of every movie we own, the last pie I made, and Cheryl getting ready for ballroom dancing... Like I said before, we just got her some new shoes, so we should be back in business real soon...
That's all folks...

Things to do...

This is more of a list for my own benefit, so I dont forget all the random things I need to do:
1. Fix priviledges on student computers
2. Update all laptops to OS 10.4 (first make new gloden drive for laptops)
3. Make teacher computer into server, call down town and secure IP address
4. Reinstall SRI on teacher computer, route ten imacs in lab to new server and see if it works
5. Update rest of macs to 10.4 and delete widgets
6. Download new version of Bombich carbon copy and reimage golden drive with new apps
7. Update Type to learn with all the new students in grades 2 through 5
8. Call downtown and make sure 4th grade is getting it's ethernet in the next room
9. Move printer over
10. Change all 5th grade computer's desktops and fix little preferences
11. Set preferences for internet explorer and mail
12. Finish adding display to all lab toolbars
13. Figure out telnet command keys for parent volunteers
14. Get foxfire for select few
15. Find out passwords for tessa
16. fix admin settings for 10.4
17. reimage #4 it hates me and the server is wacking out
18. take monitor in for repair
and that may be about it...
then sign up for Tessa training...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

What The Hell Was I Thinking?!




I thought I would let you in on the latest accomplishments of this domestically challenged princess... So after taking home 20 pounds of peaches from Deeterring farms and seeing as their time in this life is rather short I decided I would put them all to good use... First I made pies... Like 5 of them... 30 peaches to go... Then I gave them to the neighbors... 15 peaches to go... I am watching them fight time in my fridge and decide to do something about it... So I run out to Walmart and buy out their canning department. I stare at the directions thinking, hell, I have a masters degree, surely I can make jam. How hard could it be? So I blanch the peaches, peel them, dice them, and set them aside for when I get off work... Little did I know that Cheryl would want me to drive her to Oakridge in the middle of the night. But that didn't stop me. At 10:30 at night I was banging on doors, passing out blueberries, and borrowing pots for the occasion. Again, back to staring at the directions, with no idea what I am doing... It said to use a 7 quart pot, but seeing as I have no spatial reasoning skills, I used what I had... Only to turn the heat up, turn around, and come back to flames, smoke, and a flooding pot that was destroying my burners and stove top...
Did that stop me? Hell no...
My immediate reaction was to grab the camera and document the scene for my own record if not for the insurance company that would undoubtedly wonder what I did to burn the house down....
So I am dancing around the kitchen, with giant tongs to extract the jars from the boiling water, spilling boiling sugar all over the house, and on the side, landing some in the jars...
So an hour and a half later... I proudly stand next to my final product, which tastes great, wondering how the hell I made it through the whole thing and what I could have possibly been thinking pouring all that stuff in such a small pot and leaving it on high...
Lucky to be alive and very proud...
I made jam.... Wooo Whoooo....

Kristy and Bubbins


Kristy and Bubbins
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Last weekend we drove down to Oakridge and visited Kristi... This is her new baby boy, Auron. He turned one on April 26th...
Way cute... He spent the whole night bringing me my shoes and purse...then my keys... I get the feeling he was trying to tell me it was time for me to leave...
Either way he is very cute and Kristi is doing great.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Pimp My Ride

Yeah, when my sister came to visit me, I volunteered to pick her up from the airport... Only to be trapped in a funnel on the 205 freeway, as all the cars attempted to cram themselves through all the construction... 1 hour later and 1 mile closer to the gate... I was loosing it. But this is all besides the point, as usual...
I finally inch my way towards the terminal... screaming "Corky!" at the top of my lungs... Hoping that she will hear my voice and find the car crawling through traffic... (I knew the chances of me finding her within the small window of time it took to lap the airport was small and the chances of her wandering off were pretty high) but none the less... I acquired corky and all of her things... She seemed happy to see me and we went on our way...

I had been listening to my ipod shuffle during the trip and asked if she would like to join in... So here we are, driving down the freeway, each of us with a white ear bud in our ears, connected by a string to each other... With me screaming every few minutes, when she would unintentionally move her head and send my stereo flying out of my ear... Between that, the fact that the heater is on regardless of outside temperatures to save the car from over heating, and driving without a dash light (having to turn on the dome light frequently to gauge approximate speed), Corky said I was definitely a canidate for pimp my ride...

The thing is... I never found any of this odd... I never really do. I live under the strangest of circumstances, and assume the rest of the world is with me... I thought everyone kept 6 quarts of motor oil and power steering fluid in their trunk. If they don't they really should. I am a mechanic on wheels, with the subtlest of sounds triggering thoughts of the next thing I need to replace. I have definitely gotten used to the constant shaking... One day, the engine stopped thrashing and I thought something was wrong. It took me all day to realize the familiar thrashing had ended... And unlike normal people, who would think that was a good thing, I was instantly paranoid that the silence was a sign the car was going to die soon...

But on the up side, with my new job, I soon will be able to lay Squishy to rest and get something new... It's not that hard and I will get there soon...

Ok Dad, I went to the dance class

Yes, like I said I would (make a note, I actually did something I said I would) I packed up the troops and piled into the tepo... We arived at Gerlinger Hall at 7:20 for our 7:30 dance class... On the way in, to confsed seniors asked if we knew where the dance classes where... I thought it was a funny question, seeing as we were standing in heels an a dress, but sure maybe they thought we were trying out for a beauty pagent... come on. Anyways, we picked up on two new dances; the tango and a little bit of swing.. Cheryl learned that she was wearing the wrong shoes, so next time we will pick her up some new ones before hand.

Today will be a day of cleaning and organization... getting things back together and recovering from the swarm of guests that have finally left. Cheryl is still here but the rest have left. Autumn will be making a run down to Bandon this weekend to collect the rest of her possessions and start enhabiting her new home.

Other than that, I am finally up to benefit status at work... I am still a strange creature in that aspect with many people still wondering what I will be doing through out the year. I finally had time to spruce up my room with funny little computer things, and it is starting to look alright. I need to put some fabric down on the tagboards to complete the effect, but so far it looks a little less plain.

The computer work is going well, with many of the current teachers giving me tips and helping me master OS9, which I would avoid like the plague if givien the choice... But other than that things are going well and we will see how the week unfolds.
laters

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hey, Wanna hear something funny?


Lou
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

Well... One day Lou and Cheryl were visiting me (they are currently as well, until tomorrow) and Autumn had left a picture of Lou on the entertainment center... It was a very well taken black and white photo... We would often joke that it was a clip from a Calvin Klein advertisement...
Well one day, with Lou sitting right in front of her, Cheryl starts asking who that hot guy is. We, of course explain that it is a model from a magazine, assuming that she was kidding... Only to watch her go on and on about how hot this guy is and not knowing he is standing right in front of her... We were laughing our asses off.

What did I do now?

I was trying to add a list on the sidebar and I think I messed everything up... tell me guys, when you scroll down, does the background disapear half way down the blog, or is my computer just cracking out...

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a Winner


Yes, we finally have a winner in the great toaster test!!! On the first try, with no professional coaching, Sabrina Smith successfully used the toaster!!! This is a precedent that is unheard of in the Gardner household. Many have tried...and all but one have failed. This is a monumental moment and finally someone has proved themselves worthy and to have a pure soul. Well done.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Alright, assemble the CSI team...


Where did it go?
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.

I want this place dusted and printed with all the test results in before anyone leaves...
I knew it wasn't going to last.
I even baked the pie at midnight under the most secretive of circumstances... I could have been cooking in the dark for all they cared... ten seconds into the world and gone again... I can only hope for the breifest of moments the pie felt loved...

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Corky has Left the Building


Well Corky will be returning to her home in Mauii after a fun filled 6 hour flight, departing from PDX at 10:30 AM Pacific Standard Time. For all of you involved in retreving said Corky, this will be valuable information. So of course, like the careless children we are... we dont call to tell you we are coming in, we just post it on the internet for all to see, and hope that the people get all the right information on time. So my plan for tomorrow is...
Get up at the crack of dawn, about 6&1/2 hours from now...
Drive to Portland....Pick up Cassandra
Go to the Airport...Say goodbye to Corky
Get some sushi...
Return Cassandra to her urban environment...
Go Home and make more pies for the neighbors...
Guys, remind me that there is a bucket of peaches in the trunk and they need to come out.

Middle of Nowhere

Mystic River
This is the secluded destination my sister and I hiked to on Saturday. A friend of ours tells us that there is this great waterfall up Dead Indian Road in Ashland, (He forgot to mention it was 20 miles out of town, and then another five miles on foot through the cliffs of insanity). Having had said information, I would not have worn my teacher clothes and proceeded to fall ass first down the side of a mountain. Well at least we came prepared...with food and water... Which played as more of an obstacle when it came to scaling up and down the mountains with plastic bags in hand. This for the most part was a successful mission, until Corky, who was coming down the hill last, snagged her bag on a stick and sent a container of salsa pummeling down the mountain in my direction... Sadly the salsa is no longer with us... but the memory lives on. (I was actually way more sad about that loss than I should have been... Corky's friend bought some Hummus for the chips...and I am less than an avid hummus fan, I was more than happy to bring my own alternative.) The hummus also made a mad dash down the mountain, but s fortune would have it, it was the only to survive.
At any rate we had a lovely time taking turns as the main characters in Cliffhanger, and proudly staring down on the world below from our new found heights. The joy was soon turned back to fear, as I immediately thought of climbing blindly down the rock face in reverse... But I hate to be Debbie Downer, it was beautiful, and we survived.
So good times, rock on.

Life is Peachy

Blueberry Pie RecipesMillions of Peaches
Today... As the designated activities coordinator for the many I call visitors, I decided to take the crew on a wholesome outing to Deetering Farms. This place is a secluded farm on the outskirts of Historic Coburg. We packed into the car, with buckets in hand and made our way through the peach fields...taking special care to select only the most perfect fruit. Fifteen Dollars, and an hour later, we walked away with two buckets of fresh peaches, 10 eggplants, a purple pepper, a flat of blueberries, and one apple... Together we will be riding high for the week...
I just finished the blueberry pie (which was devoured upon sight) and the peach pie is in the oven...Though I fear it's fate will soon be the same as the one that came before.

R. U. S.'


Rodents of unusual size? Ha, I don't believe in them...
This is one of the main attractions of my complex; an endless stream of entertainment, provided by larger than life rats that roam our parking lot at will. These little creatures, which we lovingly refer to as "Beav-Rats", on account of the fact they look like a cross between beavers and rats...
Anyways, we love these little critters... They are so dumb. I love to bring over people who are new to the area... And tell them about the 5 lbs. rats in the parking lot. They never believe me, until they are running back towards the house screaming, "oh my god, it's a giant rat!!"
From there, my guests end up running across the lawn, with their high heels sinking into the grass, as they stalk their new prey with stealth skills that would rival the Crocodile Hunter. We have found that by beaming them in the face with a Mag Light, they will freeze just long enough for you to pelt them in the head with a large crown of broccoli. The beav-rat's immediate reaction is "what the heck was that" as they jump straight into the air, but moments later, they have forgotten the entire incident and are overwhelmed with joy at the discovery of the broccoli. It is a very entertaining and consuming hobby...Torturing the local rodents... It's a tough job, but someone has to do it, and it might as well be me.

By the way, this is one of the babies... not too bright, I actually got within a foot to take this shot... I could have poked it with a stick.