Sunday, July 25, 2010

Free at Last, Free at Last!

I apologize for the way things went down, but really, it is the way it had to be.
I don't have children, I have a collection of toasters, one robotic vacuum, and a goldfish.

For the last few years, I have been the source of refuge for the lost and the homeless... The fish that were left behind...
Taking on a huge plecco, a strange little tetra, and a pair of rainbow sharks...

It seemed strange to me, how concerned the owners were with the wellbeing of their former pets. It also seemed odd that their attachments would appear to run so deeply, and yet not somehow persuade them to take their little dependents with them.
The former owners would drop by, call, and do all sorts of things to reassure themselves that the little creatures were doing alright and having a happy life...
Leaving me with the added responsibility and guilt if I did less than a perfect job of changing the water and feeding them on a regular schedule...
At any rate, it is a well know fact that I can't keep houseplants alive, so it should come as less of a shock that I assumed all of my little refugees would not be long for this world.

I spent way to much time worrying over a pastime that boasted its ability to calm and relax, and spent large amounts of money all in the hope that my little guys wouldn't be miserable.
During all this time, all the upgrades and concern I noticed that there was a bit of a conflict forming in my tank..
The rainbow sharks were eating my goldfish, and the poor little guy couldn't do anything to get away...
I spent way too much time shouting at the little sharks, wishing they would leave my favorite fish alone...
I threatened to blend, hit, flush and burn the little critters each chance I saw them, and wished there was a simple way out...
I knew I would feel bad just killing them and with no one to turn to I scanned the Internet for a way out.
I read the posting guidelines for craig's list and saw that there was a clearly outlined no free pets parameter of the site...
So I posted that the two evil rainbow sharks would be available to the first person who could tell me a joke and show up with bucket in hand.
The lady who showed up turned out to be the joke, and happened to be an avid collector of lost fish and particularly loved rainbow sharks..
She said that she has a few that are about the same size and that they will probably begin schooling together within the week.
I knew I had the right lady when she started asking me about the PH level of my water and if they would be apposed to the possibility of soft water conditions.
She could tell by my blank expression that I had no clue about what she was referring and that she was lucky they were even alive to be taken...

I did a little research and the goldfish's fins should recover in the next few months...
Hope it all goes well...
Josh, I am sorry for abandoning my charge, but they are in a better place where they will be loved far better than I would...
The Plecco is doing fine... He is gigantic and scares everyone who sees him. You'd be proud.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

What Next

Demolition Day

Sidewalk Rockers

So this whole month has been a bit of a fiasco at the Gardner House...
I have returned home many times this week to find the little world I have called my own turned upside down with little forewarning.
First they sawed down a tree in my back yard, then they took away my picnic table, then they took away the sidewalks, leaving me to jump over caution tape and walk through wet cement to get to the laundry room and check my mail, now we have all been told to vacate the parking lot so new asphalt can be lain down, in the mean time they have taken down many of the bows of the large trees that shade the back of my home, unleashing millions of displaced beetles to fill up my house, land in my coffee, and cover every available surface.
Now I walk out my door onto my gravel walkway to find the only dumpster in the lot is missing and half of the complex is hastily painted green...

I think someone is playing a joke on us, and feel like I might be the newest unwilling contestant on a lovely show called Boiling Point.

What is it going to take to get a discount in this place...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

FLight of the Mosquito

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I thought that this picture was particularly interesting. I liked the way that without knowing what was really going on, it was definitely open to interpretation.
It looks like a small child who has heard enough and might be receiving a talk on a variety of topics, be it his constant leaving of toys on the floor, to his father trying to get him to focus on what he wants to be when he grows up and being more goal oriented.
But in fact, this simple moment was of a father explaining all the wonders that were around in the view of the lake. He was telling his son about how all the mountains and the crater itself were formed by geological events and the volcanos that fill the surrounding area.
I liked seeing the animated way this parent took the time to demonstrate the creation of crater lake, complete with wide gestures and the sounds of explosions. So simple and effective, even a small child could understand.


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This little critter was one of many tiny visitors that we encountered on our trip. I was happy to see a little beetle on the windsheild, as apposed to the millions of mosquitos that were actually in the car with us.

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Yesterday a short drive turned into a three hour tour...
Back to Crater Lake, and the infamous swarms of "Glacial Mosquitos".
Having been away from the park for months, enough time had elapsed that I had forgotten about the epic swarms of bugs, in tidal wave numbers.
Upon paying the fee and passing the gate, the attendant in the booth called, "Enjoy your park!"
I didn't realize that she must have been joking or issuing a dare, cause it is all but impossible to enjoy anything when you are being eaten alive and running for your life with camera in hand...
At one point, we tried to stop in the section of the park that boasts a gorgeous display of wild flowers...
The last time we had been visiting the flower garden had been under repair and out of bounds for visitors. So seeing as it is summer, we thought we would take a moment to survey the scenes and see if we could check it out and make up for lost time.
No sooner had we left the car and begun ambling down the winding path across a little brook than we found ourselves once again under attack from above.
I took the opportunity to come prepared with park brochure in hand, fearlessly smacking my companion in the head repeatedly to save his life.
Truthfully, I think hitting my companion with a rolled up newspaper is definitely the highlight of my journeys to Crater Lake and probably the major element of motivation to take on such a long drive.
So to summarize, the glacial mosquitos are out of hand and I think a well timed fire might just be in order...
The park is definitely in on the whole thing and is probably breeding the evil creatures in a lab and unleashing them on a daily basis to justify their $14 bug repellant that I am sure is made on the spot...
By the time you get back into the car and realize that you aren't safe from the little stowaways that have highjacked their way into your car and are feasting on you and your friends as you frantically try to find the next gift shop to end your suffering, $14 dollars sounds like a steal and you can't get your credit card out fast enough to make it stop.

So again, I love nature, I hate bugs...
Unleash the Bats, and let the battle begin.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Funny Story

Well not really,
didn't mean to get your hopes up there...
I know lots of funny stories, none of which I can post here...
But another time, back to the point...

So I mentioned that my morning was something of a project...
It starts with me and my minor eye irritation, depriving me of sleep and unleashing me onto the Internet to search for the latest ailments and life threatening illnesses that match my symptoms...
This in turn, leaves me to dialing the wellness clinic's appointment line on speed dial repeatedly until someone finally decides to take my call...
Upon hearing my request for an appointment, the receptionist apologizes and says that since they are a little short handed today, the only person who is available to see me is Courtney, and asks if that is alright...
I immediately respond with, "Anyone but Courtney, I've heard about her... anyone but Courtney!"
I just thought it was funny that when calling a doctor's office, to have the receptionist try to talk you out of coming in and apologizing for the only working doctor on staff being less than desirable...
After walking in the door and being greeted by nurse Chuckles, and guided to room six, I instantly realized why they had tried to persuade me to take a different practitioner...
Yes, it turns out that Courtney was the very same doctor that had previously made such astute observations as: "It looks like you may have been wearing a V-kneck lined shirt" "That may be a blister, or a pimple, I can't tell" and "There is no end all be all medication for sun burns" and of course the infamous detailed description of how to make an ice cube that took 20 minutes... That by far was the most helpful...

So yes I was less than thrilled to see my favorite hospital helper back in front of me...

I was particularly nervous about the combination of maladies that Bullwinkle would be treating today... I knew that one thing needed soothing eye drops, and the other was to be burned off with Nitrogen and prayed to God that she didn't mix them up...
Either way, I was just hoping to get out a live as usual...

So we have a small discussion about the latest issue, being the debris in my left eye that drug me out of bed at such an early hour in the first place...
She mentioned that if I had the slightest concern that there might be something that could have scratched my cornea that we should be on the safe side and go through the procedure to check it out...
This of course I totally agreed with...
So she tells me the plan and seems a little excited to get it all underway...
She pulls out a vile and says that she needs to numb my eye before dying it with fluorescent orange dye and blinding me with a black light at close range... She warns me that the numbing drops will burn like hell and to brace for impact...
Then while I am blinking in pain, she sets to the task of attempting to turn on the black light that must not have been removed from it's special box since it was last needed in the sixties.
Ten minutes of probing and poking with q-tips and flashlights, and oozing orange dye our of my eye like a statue of the Virgin Mary, she tells me I am fine and says that she will be prescribing a treatment of antibacterial ointment to help prevent infection...
The funny part is that before I went over, I did some research on the treatment of scratched corneas...
Guess what it is...
That's right, that very same antibiotic ointment...
So basically she would have given that to me either way, and there was no real point in all the torture since the treatments would have all been the same...
Good times...
Next time they tell me the only one working at the snack bar is Courtney, I am taking a rain check.

Weekly Update

Farm Boy to the Rescue
People Powered Snow Cones
Autumn and Kin
Fan
Saran Wrapped Kid

Good times had by all,
This week I had the opportunity to visit the Country Fair with Autumn and her family.
It was a perfect day, with plenty of sunshine and events to fill the afternoon.
Autumn and I got into the fair with work passes before all the crowds showed up. It is a totally different experience to be behind the scenes and see the whole event for what it is, without the huge groups of people.
The first event we hit up was a poetry slam group from Eugene. There were about 8 acts that went in turn sharing their work. The highlights included a man who did a Shakespearian rendition of a tale of love lost on account of Ninja Chipmunks and zombie crows, complete with theatrical death scene.
He was the best part for me...
And on a side note, there happened to be a pair of signers who joined the event to translate the poetry as the presenters went along.
I learned that one of the longest words to sign is Jellyfish...
I heard about how Jason Webley had messed with the poor signers during earlier fairs, by ending every statement with the word jellyfish... just to slow them down.

On another note about signers... God love them...
I had one unusual observation while watching the poetry slam events...
During one poet's contribution, one the female form, I noticed the signer doing overtly obscene gestures, licking her lips, and flicking her tongue in a seductive manner at the other signer...
I only looked at the signer in the first place to avoid looking directly at the speaker who was telling such a graphic story in the first place...
This lead me to wonder if there is a second component to signing that helps to portray the speaker's tone and intent...
I guess understanding how a story is meant to be interpreted is just as important as the content, I just found the additional flurishes were definitely off putting and a little on the strange side...
I wondered how the 10 year olds in the front row next to the signer felt about the whole scene...
That and it seemed as though the only people in the audience who could interpret the signals where the signers themselves... Who is to know what they were actually talking about...
Like Star Wars, translated into Japanese and then back into English again.

After the fair, our crew headed back out to the car, hoping to beat the rush of people making their exits in a similar fashion, only to realize that the battery was dead and wouldn't start.

The brilliant group of young adults that I was with put their heads together and quickly came up with many fantastic plans to remedy the situation... Ending with me finally flagging down a fair worker with a radio and getting a OCF van to show up and jump the car.

Initially, as I went out on my mission to flag down strangers and enlist the assistance of others I assumed that the rest of the kids in my party were doing the very same thing. I thought of the embarrassment I would experience upon eliciting assistance and finding that the car had already been revived and that my team had just been waiting for me so we could leave... This was not the case...
I walk over to the car to inform them that help is on the way, only to discover all of my comrades lying on the ground almost under the car in search of shade from the sun overhead. They had pretty much given up and just accepted their fates....

Glad to know that in the case of emergencies, my team is a solid crew that bands together when things get tough and really applies themselves when it counts...
Or at least they were smart enough to stay with the car and not wander off into traffic...
After seeing the display of heroism I am just surprised they didn't manage to get run over by a horse while wandering around aimlessly.

So disaster averted, and back on our way.

Monday, July 05, 2010

Hotdogs on a Monday Morning

When I was a kid, living in Bandon, there was one thing that I would look forward to each time we got in the car and started driving south of town. It was a little country store in the center of Langlois. The store was the only major sign of life in the heart of a tiny town and it boasted on item on it's menu that drew people from all around: the famous Langlois hotdog. Over a million had been sold over the years and it was a main attraction for many from up and down the coast.

Even in the years that I have lived in Eugene, I have made new friends based only on this simple treat.
I once visited a small bar on campus and soon found that when people inquired as to where I was from, their immediate response was, "Is that near Langlois?"

Being close to the 4th of July I have been stricken with the amazing urge to track down a hot dog of a similar caliber in my own town and wondered if such a place existed.

This quest lead me to a small hot dog shop on 17th and Pearl called Dog in a Box.
I did a little research before heading out on my mission, and found that this little shop has at least ten kinds of hotdogs and sausages hot and ready each day by 11 am.

When I walked through the door I was greeted by the owner who was standing at the ready, waiting for the latest passerby to stop in. The shop was covered in posters of famous jazz musicians and the familiar red and white walls with checkered black and white tiled floors like a soda shop out of the 50's.

It really seemed like something out of a movie about summer. They had it all, chips, sodas, sauerkraut, potato salad, chips, even ice cream.

I was sad to think that on account of the location, the shop might not get as much business as it should and wished that I had known about it when my dad had come out to visit earlier in the year.
Dad, I really think you would have liked this place, and the next time you need to renew your license, or just feel like a 12 hour plane ride, it will be well worth the trip.
Breakfast of champions and the cornerstone of any nutritious meal: hotdogs.