Friday, June 13, 2008

Happy Friday the Thirteenth

I like woot, because the powers that be make it interesting.
Today there is a short entry telling you why you will surely die today if you buy an iphone.

I thought it was cute since everyone I know has one and is planning on getting the latest one when they come out next month.


The Latest Entry from Woot:

Ch-ch-ch-ch Ha-ha-ha-ha

Happy Friday The Thirteenth! As you know, sometime today, you are going to be attacked by a big guy in a hockey mask. Probably while you’re taking a shower or… you know. The key to survival is knowing your area.
Now the people over at Apple are hyping up that new iPhone, and they’d like to make you believe that, in an axe-wielding crisis, they’ve got the hardware you need. But we feel that the Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS will suit you better, and here’s the reasons why.
1) When alone in the woods at two in the morning and screaming for your life:
- The iPhone requires that you have charged it the night before.
- The Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS plugs right into your car’s cigarette lighter.
2) When trying to quietly sneak through the dark forest to freedom:
- The iPhone screen lights up and makes you easy to find and kill.
- The 4.3” wide WQVGA color touch screen on the Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS also lights up, but it lights up inside your car, putting an extra layer of metal between you and the axe. Also, the Maestro mounts on the dash or windshield.
3) As you panic because it seems like the woods are changing and you can’t find the dirt road back to the highway and you suddenly see the hulking bloody outline of the maniac in your headlights:
- The iPhone will probably require you to juggle it in your hands while driving and take your eyes off the road which will result in a crazy man punching your hood and howling like a wounded beast as you scream and pray for an easy death.
- The Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS has voice guidance with turn-by-turn directions and a simple menu with over 1.3 million pre-programmed points of interest. You could promise yourself a trip to the World’s Largest Buttermilk Pail. What better way to have something to live for?
4) When you’re at the local gas station trying to calm down and changing into a new shirt:
- The iPhone will be all rattled against your keys and have sweaty fingerprints on it and probably there’s some sort of tracking device installed which the government uses to pinpoint your location and send maniacs after you because that’s the sort of thing Steve Jobs would do and you know we’re right.
- The Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS comes with a protective pouch. Plus we certify each one to be 98% maniac free!
5) When you fall asleep and have to fight Freddy for control of your dreams:
- The iPhone, while left unguarded in your car, is totally gonna get swiped and sold on eBay.
- Nobody on eBay wants a Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS. Well, maybe that guy from Nigeria.
So the choice is very clear. Don’t hide in the cellar for a few weeks and hope AT&T’s signal reaches your deserted cabin. Get a Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS and start your escape right now! Seriously, right now. No, we mean it. That wasn’t the wind. RUN

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