Monday, July 12, 2010

Funny Story

Well not really,
didn't mean to get your hopes up there...
I know lots of funny stories, none of which I can post here...
But another time, back to the point...

So I mentioned that my morning was something of a project...
It starts with me and my minor eye irritation, depriving me of sleep and unleashing me onto the Internet to search for the latest ailments and life threatening illnesses that match my symptoms...
This in turn, leaves me to dialing the wellness clinic's appointment line on speed dial repeatedly until someone finally decides to take my call...
Upon hearing my request for an appointment, the receptionist apologizes and says that since they are a little short handed today, the only person who is available to see me is Courtney, and asks if that is alright...
I immediately respond with, "Anyone but Courtney, I've heard about her... anyone but Courtney!"
I just thought it was funny that when calling a doctor's office, to have the receptionist try to talk you out of coming in and apologizing for the only working doctor on staff being less than desirable...
After walking in the door and being greeted by nurse Chuckles, and guided to room six, I instantly realized why they had tried to persuade me to take a different practitioner...
Yes, it turns out that Courtney was the very same doctor that had previously made such astute observations as: "It looks like you may have been wearing a V-kneck lined shirt" "That may be a blister, or a pimple, I can't tell" and "There is no end all be all medication for sun burns" and of course the infamous detailed description of how to make an ice cube that took 20 minutes... That by far was the most helpful...

So yes I was less than thrilled to see my favorite hospital helper back in front of me...

I was particularly nervous about the combination of maladies that Bullwinkle would be treating today... I knew that one thing needed soothing eye drops, and the other was to be burned off with Nitrogen and prayed to God that she didn't mix them up...
Either way, I was just hoping to get out a live as usual...

So we have a small discussion about the latest issue, being the debris in my left eye that drug me out of bed at such an early hour in the first place...
She mentioned that if I had the slightest concern that there might be something that could have scratched my cornea that we should be on the safe side and go through the procedure to check it out...
This of course I totally agreed with...
So she tells me the plan and seems a little excited to get it all underway...
She pulls out a vile and says that she needs to numb my eye before dying it with fluorescent orange dye and blinding me with a black light at close range... She warns me that the numbing drops will burn like hell and to brace for impact...
Then while I am blinking in pain, she sets to the task of attempting to turn on the black light that must not have been removed from it's special box since it was last needed in the sixties.
Ten minutes of probing and poking with q-tips and flashlights, and oozing orange dye our of my eye like a statue of the Virgin Mary, she tells me I am fine and says that she will be prescribing a treatment of antibacterial ointment to help prevent infection...
The funny part is that before I went over, I did some research on the treatment of scratched corneas...
Guess what it is...
That's right, that very same antibiotic ointment...
So basically she would have given that to me either way, and there was no real point in all the torture since the treatments would have all been the same...
Good times...
Next time they tell me the only one working at the snack bar is Courtney, I am taking a rain check.

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