The Curious Curio Cabinet

Here is the latest find I have stumbled upon on Craig's list...
I have a wonderful tool on my phone that helps me to track these little things and the latest was not a small task to acquire...
I was scanning through all the latest images in the furniture section and saw a posting for a "Curio Cabinet". Having never heard of such a thing, I inquired to a friend as to which company produced curio...

The rest of my day was dedicated to this 400 pound solid oak creation.... which led me far out into the recesses of West Eugene off to a trailer park and into the path of a particularly lonely and strange, newly divorced woman who insisted on passing on her life story as well as that of the cabinet...

Seeing that her post had hit Craig's List at around 8:00 a.m., I decided that she must be up and moving around and chose to throw caution to the wind and call this stranger at 9 in the morning...
Actually I didn't call, I made someone else call, since I am a busy person and hate phone calls, but what I overheard made me happy to not have been the one to make contact...
Get her address, and secure the first bid on the cabinet, sounds simple enough, but from across the room I could tell this woman was not going to be an easy one to work with...
The conversation that should have taken two minutes drug on forever, with the little old woman describing each tree and shrub that would be passed along the way in her turn by turn instructions for a simple destination...

After that ordeal, we headed over to the Shady Oaks trailer park, where we found a yellow home, completely empty aside from the giant cabinet... She informed us that she was moving, since she had recently split with her husband of the last three decades... It seemed like a long time to be with someone and call it quits, but soon after meeting with this woman, we realized that her former husband had made a wise decision...

She informed us that she was moving to a smaller trailer at the other end of the park and that there would not be room for this, her most prized of posessions... She said that she had hoped it would go to a person who was fond of collections and would use it for it's intended purpose... from the image above I am sure you have no doubt that this was a good match and within minutes of securing the colosal thing in its place that I had no trouble filling it with crap from around my house, most notebly my toaster and pyrex collections...

She informed us numerous times that this cabinate could not be moved by mere mortals and would require the presence of at least four strong me, if not the entire U of O football team, if they were available...

Feeling sorry for this newly displaced, former housewife, I decided to appease her and help set her at ease by getting an entire U-haul to move this one solitary item... That in combination with the lack of large trucks at my disposal...

So off I went to secure a truck and get this thing were it belonged... I called the local truck depot and was greeted by what must have been a retired auctionier, since she had me on and off the phone in the dizzying span of 30 seconds...
"I need a truck"
"One way or in town?"
"In town."
"How many rooms are you moving?"
"One cabinet."
"That'll be a 24 footer at 4:30" (Click)
"What? 24 footer, but it's just a..."

The U-Haul rental station smelled like a backed up sewage line, and the truck wasn't much better, with it's ashtray like ambiance...
And then there was the "Four strong men" that I needed...
I don't know enough people to play Monopoly, let alone know anyone who can lift over a 10 lbs. bag of potatoes...
But as always, I made due with what I had, piling two tech support specialists into the truck and making the best of things...

Upon arriving with the truck and surprising the old lady with what I considered a more than adequate moving team for the task at hand, she crossed her arms and sternly informed us that we would not be up to the task...

In as polite of a fashion as I could muster, I tried to make it clear that I had purchased the cabinate and if I wanted to have the Geek Squad throw it down her stairs and dash it into pieces, that was up to me...

But all the while she kept saying, "Oh no, I wouldn't do that... No..."
So on it went, the boys taking out the shelves, and arduously lifting the 400 lbs. cabinate out the door with the old lady and her constant cemmentary on their eminent failure and how much she loved that thing...

Finally we were able to get the thing in the truck and secure it with bits of shoe laces that I had in my pocket... a fine job for sure... Being that the thing weighed more than a baby elephant, I wasn't too worried about it shifting around...

Now for the precious glass shelves... She surrendered them with more than hesitation, passing each one over and reminding me that they needed the utmost of care and to wrap them separately in blankets to prevent damage...
"Do you have blankets with you?"
"Of course... they are... uh, in the truck. Yeah, in the front seat..."
She of course bounds out of the house to see the "blankets", of which there are none...
I could care less at this point and just want to get out of here...
So I grab one of the shelves out of her hands, pass it of to the closest nerd I see and discreatly whisper, "Cut her off, she's going for the truck, cut her off"
So we quickly take all of the shelves and pretend to wrap them in imaginary blankets out of the view of the crazy old lady, and then pile into the truck, only to find about 30 lbs of glass preventing our escape...
We precariosly balance the sheets of glass across our laps, slam down the gate, and throw it into drive...
I can't help but shout as we are headed out the gate that I can't believe that woman is divorced and go speeding off the sidewalk with a thump.

Upon arriving at the house I quickly pile all the crap from my previous cabinate over every available surface, and promise our helper that he has done his part, earned his drink and that he won't have to lift the thing ever again, which is of course a lie...

No sooner than he has settled down on the couch and began to enjoy the first few sips of victory, I announce that I have cleared the needed space and am ready for the next task...

Long story longer, I made them move the whole thing again, tettering it on it's side and shimmying it left and right as they make their way across the living room, then demanding that it be moved again just a few more inches so it will free up the only available electric outlet in the wall...

Now it's all set and my toasters are reveling in the light that reflects off their chrome sides and brightens up the whole room.

The only thing left for me to do now is find more toasters.
All in all I feel it was a fair exchange, though I could have done without her commentary...

I will mention all this and more in the morning...