Tuesday

So this afternoon I wandered out of work, abandoning the ever growing list of things I needed to have done the day before and drove home surrounded by the soothing blast of random tunes that overwhelmed my car on the short ride back to the house.

I always seem to have the radio turned up to full blast regardless of the song, just for the feeling. I enjoy being surrounded by something constant, and find the loud noise a comfort in the morning, though I am quick to turn it down when I approach the destination of my parking lot, both at work and at home.

I wander into the living room, carefully detach my keys from the chopstick that suspends my hair and sink into the couch, instantly reaching for my laptop, which is almost a constant part of my stance and could be viewed as an extension of myself. Never more than two feet away, I am overcome with a sense of some absence when it is not around and feel the slightest guilt when I realize I forgot to plug it in and it has been alone without power for several hours.

This in stark contrast to the lack of interest I have taken to the living things in my home, plants wilting in the window sills, fish wandering aimlessly without any human contact for days, wondering where the giant hand from above that used to give food has gone...

But no, I seldom feel bad for them, they will forgive me as they always do, and generally I will return long enough to revive them in what ever state I find them...

I don't always know how to feel about viewing the world through an LCD screen, letting reality and time fade away in the background, with hours passing with little change in my world, a few new discoveries, and the comforting glow against an almost always dark house. I am overly protective of these little things, often over-defending them from the little hands that carelessly fumble over them, trying to save them...

Each time my principal visits me in my classroom, he flips all the lights on, throws his hands in the air, and demands to know what is wrong with me that I can contently sit in a dark room in front of a computer for hours... Each time he does this, I instinctively recoil from the shocking change in lighting... It has always been this way, at my old school I would keep a perfectly black room, since it made the projector work best... The kids would stumble in to find their seats, hands out as if blind, and upon leaving, half an hour later, shield their eyes from the blaring sun outside, pupils contracting in shock.

The funny thing about this is that all the techies I know of down town are just like me,with fading potted plants reaching for the shuttered windows, and their owners hunched over in the darkness frantically checking their emails for the latest disaster. But those people are a little more on the anti-social side than me... I have seen it many times before, when ordinary people have been transformed into socially isolated trolls on account of their hobbies and chosen profession... Perpetually pale in a sunny town. Taking pride in their alabaster skin...Surfacing briefly when outsiders attempt to initiate conversation, faining a smile, and returning to their screens.

Anyways, enough about the damage I am doing to the cones and rods...

I made it out once today... That counts enough...
Had the usual fish taco, creme brulé and coffee with the roomie whom I have not seen in over 5 days... With the only indication to her presence being an ajar door leading into a room covered in towels and a fallen bicycle lying on my kitchen floor. Sometimes there will be pens and pencils strewn about the living room floor covered in wood shavings, which she leaves out to convince herself she has been productive in her efforts to express herself... I too am guilty of the same, with my productivity indicated by the masses of clothes which accumulate on my floor, testament to my employment and dedication to lowering the bar for any pride I take in my home...

Sadly this ordered chaos really works for me... File by pile, I know where everything is, waking early in the morning using echo location to piece together my outfits. Digging frantically in the mornings... Looking for the one blue shirt in a sea of black pants...

Well I guess I have made up for the lack of communication... Rambling on for almost 800 words over sitting in the dark... and my attachment to inanimate objects...