She Never Fails to Disappoint

So I have been planning on taking on a new challenge...
A few actually...
One of which was to utilize a new baking contraption with much potential to shock, amaze, and impress...
This simple looking thing promised to create a culinary and optical anomaly. It is a three tin cake pan set with a mold that will create a checker pattern cake... Strange I know, but the prospect of creating something new and unknown was tantalizing, and finding that my knack for chocolate cupcakes had proven itself I was ready for the next step.
The missing link in this little mission was attempting a new type of cake... the infamous white cake...
So simple it seemed taunting, and yet after scanning the ingredients, I knew I was in for trouble...
8 egg whites, and three sticks of butter... a daunting investment of time and ingredients...

So after seeing how simple the chocolate counterpart had been, I assumed the same for the lighter side of the combo...
But I was wrong...
I throw all the pieces into the mixer and secretly congratulate myself for not screwing up, only to scan down the instruction list and find that I did it all backwards and that there was so much more left to do... Notably throwing it all away and storming out of the kitchen...
Aparently I was supposed to make a flipping merang after whisking the butter and sugar combo... then after creating stiff peaks of sugar and egg whites, I was suposed to delecately fold in the flour and milk in alternating steps...
Lame....
So I give up...
Screw it, I am just making a standard chocolate cake and planning on walking away at around midnight...


Martha, there is a special place in hell for you...
Screw you...
I should have known, it always ends like this...
Usually with 8 hours of careful baking and 3rd degree burns...

I need a new hobby,
like smoking crack.
It would probably be cheaper... and more rewarding...
I will just stock up on light bulbs...
What's not to like?

So there will be a perfect chocolate cake on the market in the morning...
Don't be scared, that one is gonna be perfect, unlike that wedding cake which was just impossible...

Now I have to go rotate my latest failure...
Grrrrr.