I awake at 6:30, as is my method... To the sound of a frog in the garden...
I am instantly glued to the window at the prospect of a new pet... People dont come by much and that is doubley true for animals...
Since my mouse found it's way to freedom, I have been searching for something to fill the void that is an empty cage and wheel set carefully on cement in the hopes of a speedy return.
Sad really, the way you justify certain actions... I sat with my empty cage in my lap, staring into the scraps of torn paper that used to be a home, and thought to myself... "What if he gets bored?" It made perfect sense to me, that Phillip might want his wheel for late night training, and I set it down on the cement in my back yard... And of course with these cold nights, he will want his igloo... Down it goes, next to the wheel...
So I created a rather pathetic little shrine to my mouse that miraculously got away...
When visitors come by, no one even asks... But I guess they know me...
So, like Elvira off Tiny Toons, I dart through the house with a new cage in my hands hoping to catch my prey unaware... bound into the garden, scan for my frog, and find a cat, happily licking its lips... So proud of its accomplishment...
I sink back to the porch, cursing the fat old cat for beating me to my prize... I hear the distant churp of the frog, now securely hidden by juggs of milk and a bicycle covered in spiders... I accept defeat and wander away, knowing that it wont go far and soon I will have a new toy to free on my own time...
This has been a good week, yesterday, I found a baby snake and set it free in the community garden...
Autumn is getting nervous when I call, she knows I will have some new Dr. Doo-little reject to show her...
And I cant wait for the next one...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Has This Happened to You? Hands?
So I am teaching a three hour class to teachers and administrators at 8:30 after a long night of squeezing lemonaid and trying my best to be engaging and intertaining during my training... I get through the basic introductions to the new application and begin to explain how to add a new page to your website...
I explain that the first thing you will need to do after naming your site and creating your first page is to give it a title...
So I start to demonstrate the simple act of creating a name...
I write, "My New Titles"
Only, I am a little tired and forget the "le"
Half the class doesnt seem to notice... But the rest are quite amused by my interesting spelling error...
I look to the class, with my hands on my hips and say...
"See, you can have a page on just about anything"
And these are all mine....
Good times... No more late nights at the lemon, and a little more coffee before the school year....
Nice.
I explain that the first thing you will need to do after naming your site and creating your first page is to give it a title...
So I start to demonstrate the simple act of creating a name...
I write, "My New Titles"
Only, I am a little tired and forget the "le"
Half the class doesnt seem to notice... But the rest are quite amused by my interesting spelling error...
I look to the class, with my hands on my hips and say...
"See, you can have a page on just about anything"
And these are all mine....
Good times... No more late nights at the lemon, and a little more coffee before the school year....
Nice.
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Aimlessly Wandering Autzen Stadium
I thought I would make up for the lack of posts till I fall asleep, so I will go further into detail on my thrilling adventures...
So while conversing with my new collegues in a meeting of the minds, one of our new teachers mentions a wonderful opportunity to raise funds for our new school.
Selling Sausages at Autzen Stadium during the home football games...
Being a well rounded and educated being, well actually being the one sitting next to the only one to volunteer I found myself the second in command in yet another vending adventure... With my first duty being to sit in on an intense crash course in vending.
First we had to find the place... Given the simple direction of "Gate 6" at seven PM. How hard could it be?
Show up, sit down, and learn more that I could handle on the delecate art of handing intoxicated college students sausages... Sounded simple enough...
So my new accompliss and I set the plan to meet up and charge the gates... Only one problem... All the gates are locked and no one has the slightest idea where the stupid meeting is... So we take off, setting accross the pavement, intent on making the show on time... I joked that we should give up, knowing that between the two of us, we would never find it in time....
So we wander around the campus, hoping that security would take interest eventually with no luck...
We stood in front of what we would later find as the only open gate on the premisiss and asked for directions, only to be led on a journey around the entire compound to end up right back where we started from... Good times... So after a brisk walk, we assended the endless stairs to find this ellusive location... Wandering around the stadium, mumbling and panting incoherent ramblings about hotdogs... We trekked around forever.... up and down the floors, joking about how entrusted with america's future, we couldnt find a simple office...
Finally we found the only esculator and wandered in 40 minutes late to an hour and a half presentation...
After sitting through the remainder of the overzealious Oscer Myer motivational speaker, I had enough.... I raided the soda bin and wandered to the elevator, loosing feeling in my limbs from the overwhelming cold induced by my own greed....
So now I am enjoying the fruits of my pillaging and sipping my Hansen's Smoothy with a sense of satisfation that only comes from ditching half a meeting and wandering off with all I can carry...
Good times...
Coming to a hotdog stand near you....
Be nice, you never know who's teacher will be serving your food...
So while conversing with my new collegues in a meeting of the minds, one of our new teachers mentions a wonderful opportunity to raise funds for our new school.
Selling Sausages at Autzen Stadium during the home football games...
Being a well rounded and educated being, well actually being the one sitting next to the only one to volunteer I found myself the second in command in yet another vending adventure... With my first duty being to sit in on an intense crash course in vending.
First we had to find the place... Given the simple direction of "Gate 6" at seven PM. How hard could it be?
Show up, sit down, and learn more that I could handle on the delecate art of handing intoxicated college students sausages... Sounded simple enough...
So my new accompliss and I set the plan to meet up and charge the gates... Only one problem... All the gates are locked and no one has the slightest idea where the stupid meeting is... So we take off, setting accross the pavement, intent on making the show on time... I joked that we should give up, knowing that between the two of us, we would never find it in time....
So we wander around the campus, hoping that security would take interest eventually with no luck...
We stood in front of what we would later find as the only open gate on the premisiss and asked for directions, only to be led on a journey around the entire compound to end up right back where we started from... Good times... So after a brisk walk, we assended the endless stairs to find this ellusive location... Wandering around the stadium, mumbling and panting incoherent ramblings about hotdogs... We trekked around forever.... up and down the floors, joking about how entrusted with america's future, we couldnt find a simple office...
Finally we found the only esculator and wandered in 40 minutes late to an hour and a half presentation...
After sitting through the remainder of the overzealious Oscer Myer motivational speaker, I had enough.... I raided the soda bin and wandered to the elevator, loosing feeling in my limbs from the overwhelming cold induced by my own greed....
So now I am enjoying the fruits of my pillaging and sipping my Hansen's Smoothy with a sense of satisfation that only comes from ditching half a meeting and wandering off with all I can carry...
Good times...
Coming to a hotdog stand near you....
Be nice, you never know who's teacher will be serving your food...
Life in a Lemon
Yes, now that I have a masters in Education doors of opportunity are flying open in each direction...
So what am I doing this week? Working in a fiberglass lemon... That makes sense...
I cant wait to hang my degree on the peel and stand proudly beside the rest of the successful high school drop outs, covering myself in simple syrup and citric acid... I intertained ideas of throwing it all away and becoming a bar tender, so maybe this experience will inspire me to achieve my true passion of working as a beverage dispenser...
The whole thing is right up my alley... Dressed in bland cloth up to my ears and down to my ankles.... Wooden shoes and hundred degree haze... Standing cheek to cheek with my most talented friends...
Feel free to come by and crytalize this experience...
Take a picture, you will treasure it when I am on the cover of some prestigious magazine...
By the way spell check has failed me again, this is a tribute to Safari as the best browser ever... nothing works and everything else has so many holes in it I am afraid to turn it on...
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Door 2 Points Kellyclare Nothing
So I had a rough day yesterday....
I finally gave up and went to bed....
After a long day of meetings and planning, I stopped by downtown to return my barrowed equipment and get things organized.
I was thrilled to see all of my favorite people and catch up on everyone's Summer...
On the way out the door, carrying a tub of cameras... I didnt move fast enough and some how... in an amazing display of skill and agility I managed to catch the back of my right ankle on the closing door... And lacking the sense to manuver my way free in any reasonable amount of time I ended up savagely cutting my leg....
Never detured from great conversation... I insisted on carrying on as if the whole incident had never taken place....
Not missing a beat I continued to talk, with the occational tear welling up, and finally had to admit that I should probably go and stop bleeding in the parking lot...
I recieved the usual looks and of course the assuring... "You would, only you Kellyclare... Could find a way to hurt yourself on a door"
So I proceded home, to an empty house to find that no one cared... Grabbed my Bactine spray and got back in the car in search of sympathy and a band-ade, or at this point a turnicate, since that is what it felt like I needed....
So I was greeted with open arms at Autumn's house, where after much sobbing and prodding, I finally rinsed off my mildly abraised ankle and proceeded into the living room... Where Autumn was standing by like a good friend with the Bactine in hand, intent on helping me whether I liked it or not... After running barefoot in the parking lot trying to dodge the bursts of pain that came with the sprays of Bactine, Autumn laughing and yelling as she had to corner me to disinfect the minute injury... After even less concern I got my band-aid and began moving on, uttering the ocassional whimper in search of sympathy.... No luck...
So after searching the local thrift stores for Scandanavian atire, in preparation for my recent employment in a fiberglass lemon at the Festival... I returned home... Only to walk into a different door and completely slam my face into the plywood. I had to go out of my way to accomplish this feet... Reaching for a towel with one hand and swiftly opening the door with the other... The end effect was a large welt over my left eyebrow that immidiately made me look like a Klengon from Star Trek... And also had the added bonus of raising my eyebrow to the degree that I looked intensly intrigued with everything...
So out I went, sitting on my porch, laughing and crying at the same time, not believing that I had been assaulted by the same innanament object twice in one day...
I resigned to fall asleep with a bag of frozen blueberries on my face, only to realize that all too soon, I would be facing my new staff and have to explain how their new hiree managed to walk into a door twice, and then convince them that I was not as incompetent as I might appear....
So moral of the story, get more sleep and never try to do 3 things at once when gracefully exiting in front of a crowd...
Good times....
I finally gave up and went to bed....
After a long day of meetings and planning, I stopped by downtown to return my barrowed equipment and get things organized.
I was thrilled to see all of my favorite people and catch up on everyone's Summer...
On the way out the door, carrying a tub of cameras... I didnt move fast enough and some how... in an amazing display of skill and agility I managed to catch the back of my right ankle on the closing door... And lacking the sense to manuver my way free in any reasonable amount of time I ended up savagely cutting my leg....
Never detured from great conversation... I insisted on carrying on as if the whole incident had never taken place....
Not missing a beat I continued to talk, with the occational tear welling up, and finally had to admit that I should probably go and stop bleeding in the parking lot...
I recieved the usual looks and of course the assuring... "You would, only you Kellyclare... Could find a way to hurt yourself on a door"
So I proceded home, to an empty house to find that no one cared... Grabbed my Bactine spray and got back in the car in search of sympathy and a band-ade, or at this point a turnicate, since that is what it felt like I needed....
So I was greeted with open arms at Autumn's house, where after much sobbing and prodding, I finally rinsed off my mildly abraised ankle and proceeded into the living room... Where Autumn was standing by like a good friend with the Bactine in hand, intent on helping me whether I liked it or not... After running barefoot in the parking lot trying to dodge the bursts of pain that came with the sprays of Bactine, Autumn laughing and yelling as she had to corner me to disinfect the minute injury... After even less concern I got my band-aid and began moving on, uttering the ocassional whimper in search of sympathy.... No luck...
So after searching the local thrift stores for Scandanavian atire, in preparation for my recent employment in a fiberglass lemon at the Festival... I returned home... Only to walk into a different door and completely slam my face into the plywood. I had to go out of my way to accomplish this feet... Reaching for a towel with one hand and swiftly opening the door with the other... The end effect was a large welt over my left eyebrow that immidiately made me look like a Klengon from Star Trek... And also had the added bonus of raising my eyebrow to the degree that I looked intensly intrigued with everything...
So out I went, sitting on my porch, laughing and crying at the same time, not believing that I had been assaulted by the same innanament object twice in one day...
I resigned to fall asleep with a bag of frozen blueberries on my face, only to realize that all too soon, I would be facing my new staff and have to explain how their new hiree managed to walk into a door twice, and then convince them that I was not as incompetent as I might appear....
So moral of the story, get more sleep and never try to do 3 things at once when gracefully exiting in front of a crowd...
Good times....
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Tantelizing Tales From the Gorman Hotel
Lately I have been looking back on my short stint as a maid and would like to share a few of the highlights of my breif employment.
So I am home for Summer Break after my first year of college. My dad insists that I need to find a Summer job before I get back to school. So he drives me down a familiar road and we stop at the G. Hotel. He prods me out of the car to get an application.
I walk into the lobby of this tiny establishment and up to an 82 year old woman who is standing guard at the till. I mention my interest in working at her hotel and she tells me to follow her. We arrive in a small room crammed with washers, dryers, and my soon to be, least favorite appliance ever, "The Mangler". She starts folding bath towels and has me do the same. After ten minutes of folding, she wanders out of the room and leaves me there till arround ten at night. Keep in mind, I had never been so much as offered an application... I am guessing she counted that day of labor as training.
So my days at the hotel went on as such with only a few things that stuck me as odd...
1. Watering the Dirt: When I started, my mentor would give me small jobs to do, with one specification, you do them as fast a humanly possible. Any time or care added to any task was percieved as a lazy job and a waste of money. So here I am with a hose, watering the meagar plants that had attempted to grow and Mrs. G. walks up to me and tells me I am doing it all wrong.
She grabs the hose that I had set to spray, and turns it up to kill... She demonstrates the fine art of removing plants with a power washer and hands it back to me. So I finally understand.... I am not really watering the plants, I am on a mission to kill all the life forms on the ground and then get back to my more important job of watering the dirt.
2. Power-Washing the Windows: Same hose different job. Living in a costal town, the sea air is no ones friend, and the combination of the salt air solidifying on windows turns them a lovely opaque cream at best. So I was given the task of power washing the windows, which only exaserbated the situation and never accomplished anything other than annoying the guests. I think that this was all a secret plot to get the guests out of their rooms faster...
So off I go, power washing the windows at 6:30 in the morning... Watching the angry stares lining up at the windows one by one. Each with their sleepy gaze of disbelief that there is some terrible person, robbing them from their sleep with jets of water that echo inside their rooms.
3. Mopping the Parking Lot: There was a large rubber welcome mat in the main lobby of our hotel. It was used to help keep the mud down from the winter rains. Now being summer, it was just a large mat with no real purpose... But Margret decided it was filthy and it had to be cleaned. So she comes outside with a broom, a bottle of dish soap, and my favorite hose. After having me drag this 10 foot mat out into the parking lot she begins to show me the correct way to clean a giant wlecome mat. She hoses down the mat, covers it in dish soap and begins sweeping it is circles to srub it down. Two minutes go by and she hands the broom to me. She looks up in disgust and starts shouting that I am making too many bubble and that I have been using too much soap (the soap that I never had) and insists that I stay outside with my broom until every bubble is gone.
So I am home for Summer Break after my first year of college. My dad insists that I need to find a Summer job before I get back to school. So he drives me down a familiar road and we stop at the G. Hotel. He prods me out of the car to get an application.
I walk into the lobby of this tiny establishment and up to an 82 year old woman who is standing guard at the till. I mention my interest in working at her hotel and she tells me to follow her. We arrive in a small room crammed with washers, dryers, and my soon to be, least favorite appliance ever, "The Mangler". She starts folding bath towels and has me do the same. After ten minutes of folding, she wanders out of the room and leaves me there till arround ten at night. Keep in mind, I had never been so much as offered an application... I am guessing she counted that day of labor as training.
So my days at the hotel went on as such with only a few things that stuck me as odd...
1. Watering the Dirt: When I started, my mentor would give me small jobs to do, with one specification, you do them as fast a humanly possible. Any time or care added to any task was percieved as a lazy job and a waste of money. So here I am with a hose, watering the meagar plants that had attempted to grow and Mrs. G. walks up to me and tells me I am doing it all wrong.
She grabs the hose that I had set to spray, and turns it up to kill... She demonstrates the fine art of removing plants with a power washer and hands it back to me. So I finally understand.... I am not really watering the plants, I am on a mission to kill all the life forms on the ground and then get back to my more important job of watering the dirt.
2. Power-Washing the Windows: Same hose different job. Living in a costal town, the sea air is no ones friend, and the combination of the salt air solidifying on windows turns them a lovely opaque cream at best. So I was given the task of power washing the windows, which only exaserbated the situation and never accomplished anything other than annoying the guests. I think that this was all a secret plot to get the guests out of their rooms faster...
So off I go, power washing the windows at 6:30 in the morning... Watching the angry stares lining up at the windows one by one. Each with their sleepy gaze of disbelief that there is some terrible person, robbing them from their sleep with jets of water that echo inside their rooms.
3. Mopping the Parking Lot: There was a large rubber welcome mat in the main lobby of our hotel. It was used to help keep the mud down from the winter rains. Now being summer, it was just a large mat with no real purpose... But Margret decided it was filthy and it had to be cleaned. So she comes outside with a broom, a bottle of dish soap, and my favorite hose. After having me drag this 10 foot mat out into the parking lot she begins to show me the correct way to clean a giant wlecome mat. She hoses down the mat, covers it in dish soap and begins sweeping it is circles to srub it down. Two minutes go by and she hands the broom to me. She looks up in disgust and starts shouting that I am making too many bubble and that I have been using too much soap (the soap that I never had) and insists that I stay outside with my broom until every bubble is gone.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Bird Man
Bird Man
Originally uploaded by Miss Clare.
Yeah this is pretty funny... After about a week in the sun I come home to find I have 30 pictures of this guy and barely any shots of anything else...
I went whale watching, hit the beach every day, went to mama's Fish House, visited mom and all I have are shots of this guy whole was routinely attacked by pigeons on the beach....
Makes perfect sense....
Monday, April 02, 2007
Hey there
Weekly update (ha)
I have been working a way and just got back from my break... Dad and I had a wonderful time, seeing the whales, getting sunburned and roaming the streets of Maui.
Today I helped give a presentation on the SmartBoard to middle-high teachers... It was pretty fun, I dicected a digital frog.
Other than that I programs a Jeep today... It talks to me and will call people at random when I say "Dial"
Just imagine the potential... No longer do you need to pick fights in person, you can scream as loud as you want and enjoy the benefits of a fight in surround sound....
So that was my daily accomplishment.
That and I updated my lab, next stop all the laptops... It is about time....
So yeah, I had a nice break, savagely sunburnned my hands and little else and picked a fight with a senior citizen at Water Aerobics... I could take him, no contest....
Ok, I will breifly go into that, it's a short story...
I was headed out to the pool with dad for the daily swim... By the way, he can swim farther than I can...
Anyways, I am killing time with the water lillies in the jazzer-splash section... I wade into the pool and make my way to the croud with water-bells in hand. As I make my enterance, I pass by a historic figure flailing towards the entrance to the pool. As I come in I pass by to hear the incoherant profanities of a bitter man. I brush this off as it isnt the first time I was greeted in this manner... So I start jogging away in my little space only to be startled by a wall of water coming in my direction.
I look back to find the old man muttering like a sailer and glarring intensely in my direction... I look to my intructer and comment that I dont think he likes me much and go on my marry way...
I dont mind being attacked by seniors, I think it is funny when they become irrate and hope that someday I can extend the same curtisy to some young punk who is invading my turf.
KC
I have been working a way and just got back from my break... Dad and I had a wonderful time, seeing the whales, getting sunburned and roaming the streets of Maui.
Today I helped give a presentation on the SmartBoard to middle-high teachers... It was pretty fun, I dicected a digital frog.
Other than that I programs a Jeep today... It talks to me and will call people at random when I say "Dial"
Just imagine the potential... No longer do you need to pick fights in person, you can scream as loud as you want and enjoy the benefits of a fight in surround sound....
So that was my daily accomplishment.
That and I updated my lab, next stop all the laptops... It is about time....
So yeah, I had a nice break, savagely sunburnned my hands and little else and picked a fight with a senior citizen at Water Aerobics... I could take him, no contest....
Ok, I will breifly go into that, it's a short story...
I was headed out to the pool with dad for the daily swim... By the way, he can swim farther than I can...
Anyways, I am killing time with the water lillies in the jazzer-splash section... I wade into the pool and make my way to the croud with water-bells in hand. As I make my enterance, I pass by a historic figure flailing towards the entrance to the pool. As I come in I pass by to hear the incoherant profanities of a bitter man. I brush this off as it isnt the first time I was greeted in this manner... So I start jogging away in my little space only to be startled by a wall of water coming in my direction.
I look back to find the old man muttering like a sailer and glarring intensely in my direction... I look to my intructer and comment that I dont think he likes me much and go on my marry way...
I dont mind being attacked by seniors, I think it is funny when they become irrate and hope that someday I can extend the same curtisy to some young punk who is invading my turf.
KC
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
